Why I finally joined facebook

So I finally did it. Sold my soul to the devil. Funny what one will do for their career. You make sacrifices, you do things you don’t necessarily do under normal circumstances.

 

You move to cities you don’t really like, sleep with people you wouldn’t normally bone, join social networks you don’t necessarily delve into.

I remember when Myspace was sold to Rupert Murdoch and at the time I was incensed. I gave up my account and wnet on a five month hiatus, only returning when i realized that I was moving and that perhaps I’d wanna keep some superficial relationships.

That was during a weird time when i stopped having a phone and the only way to reach me was to ring my doorbell at 923 W. Oak street or email me, or call me at my office on campus………

back then I was a young man of principle. I stuck to my guns as I sat in my bath robe and got high and played Zelda for regular nintendo.

So today was a mixed bag when I finally joined the Facebook network. It was time to finally admit that Myspace was what Friendster became in 2005.

I remember it was a big deal when Myspace had hit a million users, then before long 3 million and now its a big virus……and soon facebook will be the same way, unable to keep up with the next big social network where you can track your friends, have a profile and get head directly from the profiles of the little darlings who message you about blowjobs and dirty pics.

So you ask, what’s the difference between the networks now?

I have no idea. Facebook seems to be a site where people just constantly update their status, no one really has anything to say, it only seems like another opportunity to plug something like every other huckster online.

Here is what the “Sports Guy” Bill Simmons had to say about facebook  in a recent mailbag on ESPN. com

“As for Facebook, I don’t mind getting status updates and snapshots of what my friends’ lives are like — even if “Bob the Builder” is prominently involved — as long as they aren’t posting 10 times a day or writing something uncomfortable about their spouse/boyfriend like “(Girl’s name) is … trying to remember the last time she looked at her husband without wanting to punch him in the face” or “(Girl’s name) is … just going to keep eating, it’s not like I have sex anymore.” Keep me out of your personal business, please. Other than that, the comedy of status updates can be off the charts. Like my college classmate who sends out status updates so overwhelmingly mundane and weird that my buddies and I forward them to each other, then add fake responses like, “(Guy’s name) … snapped and killed a drifter tonight” and “(Guy’s name) … would hang myself if the ceilings in my apartment weren’t too short.” It kills us. We can’t get enough of it. We have been doing it for four solid months. And really, that’s what Facebook is all about — looking at photos of your friend’s kids or any reunion or party, making fun of people you never liked and searching for old hook-ups and deciding whether you regret the hook-up or not. That’s really it. All in all, I like Facebook.”

That sums up my opinion exactly (sort of). there used to be a real divide back in the early days. Either you were a myspace geek or a facebooker. The facebook started out as something where you had to be in school in order to be a member.

It was a real pain in the ass to start an account and most of the people on there were real squares, straight edged people who really didn’t care much for music (their tastes being for Jimmy Eat World, Save Ferris, Nickelback, and Bowling For Soup), never took drugs, and usually marked Christianity as religion of choice.

Funnily enough, I met this hottie from Calgary who told me I should get on there and I tried and couldn’t get on it and gave up in frustration. But that was the only time I ever attempted to be on facebook other than now.

Although I was opposed to Fox owning myspace, the more weirder kinkier, artsy kids ended up on myspace, my buddy Craig even met girls and boned them from setting up his account.

So it came to pass, every comedian, and artist I knew were saying comeon over to facebook, its easy to set up and everyone is on there now, myspace is a wasteland.

I considered the time i swallowed my pride and said Murdoch be damned and once again put my info out there for all the CIA to see,
and decided to do it one more time.

Hell they already knew everything about me anyway huh? Who cares that they sponsored the debates last year. and so i logged my email address in and they immediately knew who I could be friends with just from my contacts list on my email.

Too spooky.

Anyway, I’ll be pushing my book, and comedy info there as well. And adding my name to every other huckster, square, hipster, douchebag and lemming on the social network website.

I reckon I might as well join Okcupid again and sequester my whole existence to cyberspace eh? How in the hell did this happen?

ten years ago I didn’t even have an email account.

Tags: Bill Simmons, bobby mickey, Facebook, myspace, Rupert Murdoch