Archive | May, 2010

Stop Sucking Dick!!!!

31 May

Seeing this guy perform live at The Punchline changed my life

Heading to Ithaca with a Heavy Soul

15 May

The dread became more
pronounced
the closer
we got to the bus station.

We couldn’t walk slow enough
or fast enough.

Her left hand holding my
right hand.
My left hand holding
my luggage.
Just like that
Robert Johnson song.

I used humor
as a defense
for my sadness,
cracking jokes
at a breakneck
pace.

Not sure if
I’ve ever been
wittier
or sadder.

I kissed her goodbye
thinking it’d be
a matter
of time ‘til
we met again.

I wonder how different
things would be
if I’d have just canceled
my plans
and stayed a while longer……….

maybe we’d have gotten
it out of our system
perhaps I’d have never come
back.

If only I could
visit a parallel
universe
and find out
without
giving up
the lessons
I learned
from my
decision to leave.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

God Bless You Dr. Fleming

15 May

I was minding my own business
watching the Patriots-Colts game.
(Rooting against the Colts)
when she chatted me up.
She looked at me fiercely
told me she was a squirter
and a Scorpio,
48 years old.

She looked like
a poor man’s Shirley
Maclaine.

I told her I had to
be at work in less
than an hour.

But the Pats were up
by 17 with less
than 8 minutes to go,
so I called work and
said I’d be fifteen minutes late.

I instructed her to
pay her tab
and meet me
in the parking lot.

We went back to her
place and
I gave her
the Bobby Mickey
Special
no onions
extra mayonnaise.

Her pussy squirted
like the fountains
at Royals Stadium.

The next day I saw that
the Colts had come back to
win the game,
something about a 4th and 2
on their on 29.

The Patriots went
for it and sealed
their fate.

3 days later
my urethra was sticking
together.

Coach Belichick wasn’t
the only one
who made
a bad call
on Sunday night.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

East Bay Fantasy

15 May

Oatmeal in the mornings.
Guacamole for lunch
Chick pea soup for dinner.

Music
sunlight
filtered water
compost bin in the freezer
separate bin for recyclables
good company
relevant conversation
and comfortable silences.

Watching movies
and spilling popcorn in bed.

Occasionally
some really good love making.

Weekend evenings
of board games
at friend’s houses.

Bong hits with ice
flossing before bed,
letting the yellow
mellow.

Going to bed with
a warm heart
and full stomach,
waking up
with a sense
of purpose.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

30 Year Manifesto

15 May

Make money

Be kind
Be kind
Be kind.

Work harder
and smarter.

Be patient
be gentle
be lovingly aggressive.

Maintain a good sense of humor.

Do the right thing
for the right reasons.

Be conscious of what I ingest.

love my partners
provide higher quality of life
for my offspring that the
one I was afforded.

Be grateful.
be faithful to the moment.
Don’t waste the days.

Don’t chase tail
because that’s all
you’ll wind up with.

Don’t pass up things
you’ll regret not doing.

Vote with your wallet.

Only get drunk when
you’re happy.

Believe in the silver lining.

Have realistic expectations.

Travel.

Appreciate beauty.
Become beauty.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

hormones

13 May

I’m thankful I’m no longer a prisoner to my penis. I can lead a somewhat normal life. No more excusing myself from the dinner table to come back smelling like Vaseline. No more pulling my pud in the Burger King walk-in freezer, or using anything I can get my hands on for lube, shampoo, Ben Gay,etc.
At this point in my life I’d be perfectly okay with a porn collection, video game system, a nice glass bong, and a dog, at least for a little while.
I have finally learned how to say no to pussy–how to discern what constitutes a good trip. After enough sex, I’ve realized its just pussy, and there’s no such thing as free pussy, there’s always a booty tax. There’s a difference between sexual curiosity and sexual attraction, and just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Sex without complications is a thing of the past and has been for years, if sex is the best outcome then maybe its best to walk away.
13 years of sexual activity has taught me how to know when to call it a night and just go home to rub one out.

February

13 May

February

February is always the toughest month of the year for me,
November is no picnic to deal with either.
One signals the beginning of winter
the other signals the end.

Nothing is as it appears in February
the month itself
is an illusion
an anomaly
28 days
sometimes 29.

From the farcical celebration
of Black History
to the fictional Puxatawny Phil.
Valentine’s and President’s Day
rest arbitrarily in relation
to other “holidays.”

I distrust February
so much
that I find
it hard
to trust Aquarians
which includes
me
half
the time.

~Edward Austin Robertson~