Archive | July, 2013


31 Jul

What I was watching instead of going to bed

30 Jul

this is what happens when you drink Pepsi right before bedtime:

Geeking out on Ween

30 Jul

Silent Castration

25 Jul

Who is to say you missed out on anything?

You’ve seen her type

Men handcuffed by the nuts without realizing it
SHE doesn’t even know that she is doing it.

At one time you were okay
with the thought of her being
the last one woman you ever slept with
even if she told you she was a post-op job.

Oh you were a fool
and would have continued to have been one
had fate not intervened.

Because how long would the reins held
before you broke free
or been broken?

But who is to say she wasn’t the last?
Everyone and everything since
has been an amalgamation
of tender, heated and awkward moments.

~Edward Austin Robertson



25 Jul

Brick for Concrete
Sidewalk to side street.
Protecting the Chanterelles and Oyster mushrooms
from the heat,
the Sycamore and Ash
create a path along the houses
for the
Deer, bunnies and dancing fireflies
before your eyes.

Not quite north
not quite south
not quite east or west.

Lots of blood spilled
in the middle of where we are standing.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Distant memories evoked by corn fields

25 Jul

The old man asleep on the couch
reeking of motor oil.
I slept next to her sometimes
intermittently dreaming AM radio,
put to sleep by Mark Holtz
awakened by Paul Harvey.
Noise no longer bothers me
and now I remember why.

~Edward Austin Robertson

From the Dregs of my youth

25 Jul

I was listening to some Pumpkins the other night while I was making dinner and it made me a little nostalgic.
Life was so wide open and full of possibilities. Born in ’79, graduated in ’97. The 90’s as I was experiencing it was a strange and awkward time. I was always slightly out of step with what was going on and how it was presented. But occasionally during those teenage years, the boredom was abated by interesting music videos and the Spice Channel. I spent a lot of time with the television ON.

Geeking out on Mos/Japan

25 Jul

This video could not have been made today without instant backlash

23 Jul

Tit for Tat and other random thoughts

23 Jul

Too fucking hot!

I feel very fortunate that I don’t live in Phoenix. I can understand why people settled here in Lawrence. It’s between two rivers. But Phoenix? As if the settlers passed through and envisioned strip malls out in the desert. As hot as it gets there, Phoenicians may as well be living on Mars. I don’t know why stores, or any place of business would be open before 9pm (it has been reported that some nights it was still 114 degrees at 10 pm some summers).

If I lived in Phoenix, I’d run a dry cleaners that was only open from 10pm to 8 AM. If you need something during the day, TOUGH! Everyone in that town should make city wide adjustments for the weather there–like humans are supposed to do–like people on the coastline who prepare for hurricanes, or Mid-westerners for tornadoes. Adapt or die right? Some places were never meant to be settled.

The last few months have been enlightening as far as the opposite sex goes. It is hard to find women who use the power of their Virginia’s for good and not evil and self gain. It became pretty apparent how the wrong woman can derail a man’s shit real fast. Don’t believe me? Ask every man who made the wrong decision and couldn’t say no to some strange.

You can even look at the biblical story of Samson and Delilah for confirmation (or the modern day equivalent of Mike Tyson and Robin Givens–man she fucked his world up).

There is a big difference between having some good p*%$y and being skilled. Sexual prowess is something acquired through hard work and a willingness to please the other person. Having some good-good is pure luck of the draw. Some girls who realize this early on decide never to work on their skill set, and they end up just wanting to lay there, hoping you penetrate them good enough to get them off. If you get off its a bonus.

Chicks like this never have any staying power. These are the kind of gals who drink to get drunk enough to fuck without guilt. Soon enough they find themselves gaining a lot of weight and suddenly they have peaked out.

Starting to wonder just how conventional of a relationship I’m wanting. I want a girlfriend, but I want to be able to get some strange every now and then. I mean, I should get 3 dick amnesties a year. That’s some new cut-up once every 4 months. And then if I don’t use them I get rollovers to the next year.

In the event that I go over, I get the option of overdrawing for that next year or she gets to fuck someone outside of her three fucks.But the catch is she fucks the person in front of me. Either one of two things would result from this tit for tat arrangement: I would get so disgusted from seeing a dude rail my chick that I would never venture outside of my limit again, or I would finally get past that final hang up and just learn to be okay with her getting reamed. It could be a breakthrough and cathartic. A win-win right?

I’m still hoping to have that FFM 3 some someday before I kick the bucket. I feel like I’m Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap, trying to make this happen to my new character so that I can leap to the next adventure. As soon as I nut then la back after finishing making love to two chicks, I would lean back in my pillow and then my body would have blue lasers and shit coming out of my body (kinda like Poltergeist). Then I would leap into some foreign place as if I was sleeping with no connection of where I was before. I’d roll over to a 400 lb woman in Ohio somewhere and say to myself ” Oh Boy”

Though there needs to be a spectrum for 3-somes. Like a pyramid tiered hall of fame (that some goofy columnists online came up with in his Book of Basketball). 2 crack whores and you? Bottom of the barrel 3-some. 2 skinny girls with acne, missing teeth, and coming off cocaine–drinking to take the edge off but wanting to ball all night? That is a meth free 3-some. I say this because the quality of all 3 some are not the same. Some are better than others. The Patrick Bateman 3-some was two high classed whores and though absolutely ridiculous, bro did handle up( both of those chicks were dimes). Who cares if he paid for it? That is a quality 3-some. It’s not a brown bag special, ain’t even a blue light special from K-mart 2 for the price of 1.

I’ve been actively hunting out the FFM 3-some. I’ve been trying to meet as many bi-chicks on okcupid as possible in order to increase my chances of it happening. It has been a trip. I’m not openly asking for it to happen, but………in the case that it were to happen I certainly want it to be an event that I’m proud of–unlike the night I lost my virginity.

The problem with these profiles is sometimes the women put pics on their profiles from years before. False advertisement. It would be like me drafting an NBA player who was 31 but only seeing his college tapes from when he was a Junior. It isn’t the best indicator of what you are going to end up with.

I wish that it could be more like couchsurfing–(call the site bedhopping?) in that you can leave references for the person you went on a date with. ” Ben was a good date right until he put a piece of his meat soaked bread onto the plate I was eating my garden burger. The guy was so insensitive to my vegetarian needs.” or “on the surface Meg seemed like a pretty chill chick. Her profile offers a steal of a deal ON PAPER. I should have known better though when her only picture on the website was one with her wearing glasses and the photo was taken from a small distance. Meg also had the crazy eyes. That being said, I fucked her anyway and now I’m avoiding the awkward run ins that result in small towns like these.”

They could even have scouting reports left on them:
Subject seems to come from a good and healthy background. Has very little instances of reported mental illness within the family. Responds well to pressure and loves kids despite saying he doesn’t want them. Will well up with tears if the beach scene with Adrian and Rocky in Rocky III comes on.

Some people think being an alpha male involves a medium rare steak in one hand and pulling a woman's hair with the other while fucking her doggystyle.....

Some people think being an alpha male involves a medium rare steak in one hand and pulling a woman’s hair while fucking her doggystyle…..

It’s always funny when I hear a white person tell me how many black friends they have. I almost die from laughing so hard. I mean come on, no reason to bullshit me. I don’t have that many black friends and I”M BLACK. Cut the shit. Just admit you are xenophobe and move on–or admit it and explore why you are that way and figure out how that affects you and the rest of the world. Shit is terribly funny–every time that phrase is uttered “I have lots of black friends” this means that you don’t have ANY black friends, and you are about to say some borderline-racist shit.


Buster of the week: Daniel Snyder- Change the fucking name dude. You wouldn’t like the D.C. Hymies would you? (Or how bout the D.C. darkies art Monk and Darrell Green?)Exactly. “Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!” As the great Ed Lover would say. This is in our nation’s capital to tell you all you need to know about this. It was a name way before Snyder bought the team. MY question is why is no one outraged by this? Same reason that fuck George Zimmerman walked away from that trial without doing any time. We’re a bunch of stupid racist fucks, that is why.

As fucked up as the world is (has always been?) right now, I do believe that the only thing you can control is the way you interact with the outside world. If I let myself get too far out there; worrying about the world then I would never have the energy to take care of myself. If you want to control something then have positive and genuine interactions as much as you can on a daily basis. Fighting and being angry is a waste of time. Its all going to end someday so may as well be on your terms (as much as this is possible).

Peace out,