Archive | June, 2013

Don’t Look Back

27 Jun

I.
The massive “Warriors” chants began before the doors
to the train had opened,
fans in their fresh gear
ready for battle.

He turned to catch a glimpse of
his past life
somewhere out in the Oakland hills,
then turned his gaze
towards the San Francisco cove
where the sun would soon fall
producing yet another Bay area Sunset.

It was as if he’d never left
to become the person he was that day
taking for granted he’d once lived here
All those great escapes and close calls
afterward brought him back,
he wasn’t even close to the same person then
let alone the person he was a year ago.

He reached into his pocket to produce his ticket,
joined the mass throng of basketball fans
and allowed himself to get lost in the crowd.

II.

The yard work put him in quite a meditative state.
There so much to love about the Oregon summers
Tillamook strawberry ice cream and naked bike rides.
Longer days and shorter nights amid daylight’s
illusory effects.
A city boy with an affinity for country life
exhausting his body to clear his mind.
It was a shame he couldn’t share any
of these simple joys with her.

III.

He never thought it was possible to encounter someone
so thoroughly disgusting that he’d wish that he would never
see that person again.
A person of that character he wouldn’t even interact with
it was puzzling that it got that far.
He considered them to be genuine friends
amid the shared intimacies
that were largely ignored and dishonored.

Such a lesson was so painful
that he wished that it weren’t necessary
to meet his shadow incarnate
the embodiment of his animus.

Experiencing such a failure forced him to choose
between either killing himself or becoming a better person.
Sometimes the best way to learn about the man to become
was to encounter the kind of person who not to be.

IV.
Briefly considered how such a period could be documented
–if it should be recorded.
It was like the whole town had conspired to remake a really bad 80’s movie.
Trendy assed poseurs, hipsters and superficial 20 somethings
frolicking about in the appropriate garb.

Eight heightened months
largely full of unpleasant experiences
save the occasional pick up games
and random sporting events,
time well spent with friends
despite the fatigue and regret that resulted from the trip.

He’d over analyzed things so much that he’d become distant
from everything that made him who he was.
There was nothing left to glean from looking back.
No one left to blame (including himself)
His chance at redemption was not as far off as he originally thought.
There was no need to revisit those old files.
No need to ever go back.

V.

The month had been good to him.
Tonight found him stimulated by the naked women and caffeine.
Later when he entered her,
he knew it was time.
The feverish excitement finally brewing inside his veins.

And when he finally came,
there was no grandiose crescendo
no sexy bass lines
no R & B singers
nor African children singing “Boom Ba Yay!”
Only a long chant
slowly building inside his head,

“Rooooooocccckkkkkk. Chaaalllllkkkkk. Jaaaaaayyyyhawk. Keeeeeeeeeeeeyoooooouuuuu”

He was focused.
There was clarity.
There was purpose.
He was ready to go.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Enjoy your Summer

26 Jun



Fresh

25 Jun

Fresh as in the new
Fresh as in the place to be
Fresh as in feeling at home among strangers
Fresh as in new.

Fresh as in being in the moment, bending on the precipice of shock,
expanding one’s consciousness to the point
where frame of reference takes precedence over velocity.

Fresh is so vivid because fresh is so new.

The feeling that only lasts a little while
because its fresh.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Erosion

25 Jun

So high you were
so long ago
chiseled with character.

Your weeping walls
rich with mineral and strength.
Stern and aged ridges alongside
little space between perfect gravity

You are the mighty
you are the ruler
you will crumple long after I am gone.

Your handsome features
remind me that I’ve been taking myself
too seriously.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Careless (For Maura)

25 Jun

We’d made promises that I couldn’t keep
over sandwiches I shouldn’t have been eating.
Lying in bed later
between the naps
and lovemaking,
I was awake
planning my (our)next move.

I was being reckless
and she happened to be an innocent bystander
I didn’t mean to hurt her though
but that’s not a good enough excuse.
I was old enough to know better.

Whoops.

~Edward Austin Robertson

The Better Team Won (For Los Spurs)

22 Jun

Wish I could say it gets better
But it doesn’t
Ask “The Playmaker”
about the ones that got away
Tempe, Arizona 1987
San Francisco 1995.

Even the biggest winners sometimes lose.
Though it hurts for those of us who care too much,
I can’t imagine how it feels to be you
so close you can taste the champagne
and embrace the thrill of the accolades,
only to realize how small the margin for error really is,
the difference between second best and champions.

Though you have nothing at all to lament
and everything in the world to be proud of,
there is nothing you can do to ever get it back
which is why losing is probably worst feeling in the world
— no many how many times you’ve won it all.

Sometimes there is no closure
sometimes there is no justice.

Sorry.

Timmy Time Machine and Kawhi were the only ones to have good games the other night.

New Chapter in Lawrence

8 Jun

Don’t Be afraid to go to that place

7 Jun

This Particular Morning

6 Jun

What exactly does it mean to be righteous?
How does one get there?
Is it a matter of making the right (un)informed choices?
What made my choices so different from his
that led me here this particular morning?

By all external measures
happy
brooding inside
over things I could not control.

This morning found me in a church parking lot
putting in a prayer request
at a church I would never attend
to a congregation
I would never meet.

What could it hurt?
Maybe magic existed
in forms other than
music, birth and life.

Which made the situation feel
even more egregious
what a waste of all things precious
so that rich men could get fat
on our ignorance.

He’d allowed himself to become a pawn
in their dope game
and all I could do now
was hope (pray?) for positive results
to emerge
from what I considered
to be a massive mistake
on so many (cosmic?) levels.

My brother,

you may be in hell now
but I know
that you can escape.
Pleasant thoughts await your return
Blue Bell Ice Cream
cream cheese pie
and mom’s mediocre pot roast,
dice games at the casino
poker with the fellas,
dollar bills at the strip clubs
and fine shoes and fancy threads.
Keep it together
stay focused
and you’ll be home soon.

We love you.
You’re not the only one in hell.

~Edward Austin Robertsonphoto

Boldly Going…….

1 Jun

Spock was my dude

As a kid I always dug the old school Star Trek. Spock was my dude. First of all his uniform was my favorite shade of blue (my favorite color back then), secondly he was so analytical–he was a doctor for Pete’s sakes. I liked the fact that no adventure was too out there for them. They even went back in time to the Roman Empire days.
As much as I dug Sci-Fi back then, I liked the theme that they were rootless….going anywhere and that the only home was the vessel they were traveling in.

I had no idea how much this theme resonated with me until recently. Here are a few others that I came to like:

1) A-Team- a band of renegades betrayed by their government forced to become soldiers for hire, helping out the little people against the bad guys. They were always on the move and could never get too comfortable in one place with the dreaded Army and (Col. Decker)on their tails. The show always was good for a couple of chase scenes and shootouts, a little bit of comic relief with Murdock and Mr. T. and they always had a well organized plan to come out on top. Good stuff.And a great theme song:

2)Kung Fu- Couldnt tell you anything about the show other than David Carradine was traveling across the world fucking people up, with random flashbacks to his training.I was a kid when this was on syndication. I just loved the theme song–seemed epic to me I always hoped someone would make a hip hop beat from it.

Incredible Hulk was genius to me also. The Hulk was always my favorite Marvel Comic character outside of Wolverine (another dude with mad anger issues).Mild mannered David (Bruce for TV) Banner traveling across the country, looking for a cure to his ailment, hulking out on folks on principle alone. Bro just wanted peace. I could dig it–that was how I felt as a kid–peaceful, but folks kept fuckin’ wit me so I’d have to Hulk out on people, then folks would think I was crazy cuz they pushed me to that point and got stabbed with a #2 pencil. Whoa sorry, just got triggered for a second. The theme song was haunting, but the one for the cartoon series way more ill:
I would be a liar if I said I didn’t spend part of the ’90’s getting stoned and watching this show.

4)
Quantum Leap was a bad one too. Loved the fact that he bounced back and forth through time, hoping the next leap was the leap home. Sometimes I feel like I’m in an episode of that show, trying to right a wrong that BMICk did in the past, trying to keep things in order by avoiding life altering mistakes. The only negative part is that the theme song was kinda weak.

5)

Lastly there is Scooby muthafucking Doo. Some goofy shit I know, but the theme song was entertaining and they always had the best guests on there.

Honorable Mention: I really wanted to throw the Man with No name trilogy series in with this. Clint Eastwood basically rode around the west on his horse fucking shit up, meeting ladies, and making money. Loved GOOD, the Bad, and the Ugly, Fistful of Dollars and a Few Dollars More. Plus it led me to discover Ennio Morricone’s music. But they were movies not a tv show.