Archive | August, 2018
Berkshire Wedding (For Nicole)
25 AugWalking her back to the old house felt natural.
I knew there was something there
but I couldn’t have imagined it would lead to this.
I calculated the odds
and I made my move
but I didn’t make it that night.
Sometimes inaction
is a form of action.
There was no pressure to do anything.
But something in the way we hugged each other that night
told me that if I ever had the chance,
I was going to go for it–whatever that meant.
I drove back to town in a heightened state of awareness.
dead sober even though I’d been drinking all that day.
I can’t say that I knew anything would happen.
But I’m telling you that I’m not surprised by any of it.
~Edward Austin Robertson
It Never Entered My Mind (For Becca)
25 AugWe never dated
but we were never just friends either.
We could have set better boundaries.
Spending out time casually, eating, laughing, gently comforting,
listening to music and making dinner.
It always started out innocently enough
until we got too comfortable.
Then it became an issue
of how to say goodbye,
whether I should stay over
and if so…………..
It is easy to get wistful.
We had our needs
that neither of us could ultimately fulfill
in the long run, but the short term desires were often met.
If I were to waste my sweetness on anyone at the time
she was the most deserving.
It was easy to be kind to her.
Even then I could sense that it was a trial run
for when the real thing came along.
Had she given me a reason to stay
I probably would have.
But nothing would’ve come of it.
I’d have just hurt her
or she would have hurt me.
Those are pleasant memories.
We had fun together, some of it innocent.
Late night emails from the computer lab
soon became evening phone calls and mix CD’s,
which then became 3 hour drives to “not” spend
the weekend with her– hanging out, making out, doing drugs.
But I don’t miss her.
Just another college romance loaded down
with limitations,
but tempered with realistic expectations.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Cover (for Nancy)
25 AugShe’s playing fiddle,
singing to me in the car
Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon”.
~Edward Austin Robertson
To Be Continued
25 Aug
It became one of many nights
where by sheer luck
I’d faceplant into some female’s crotch
simply because I chose to leave my apartment.
A night where I was on autopilot; not even thinking,
just doing.
Sipping champagne
eating birthday cake,
expensive chocolates
and listening to Thriller on vinyl.
I was too dumb to realize
that I’d been set up.
Her friends magically disappeared from the bar
and she needed someone to walk her back to her place
which conveniently was only blocks away from my own apartment.
And perhaps I could’ve been more aggressive
but like other times,
I was just happy to be in the right place
at the right time.
Not forcing any shots,
just staying in the flow of the offense.
And maybe instead of lamenting
what didn’t happen (like a few other encounters during that period),
I should be happy about what did take place
and grateful that nothing occurred
that would come back to haunt me years later.
I took it as far as one should on a first attempt
and looking back, I’m glad I didn’t press any further.
Only now can I understand the precarious combination of
of youth, booze, hormones and consent.
Which is why I always let the females take the lead
in such instances. Even then I was hyper aware of all the possibilities.
That evening was my first inkling that one could have a hot and kinky
sexual encounter without actually having coitus.
I limped home with a heavy buzz and a heavy sack,
hoping there was more to come.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 