Archive | March, 2012

Abundant Health

31 Mar

She greeted me at the door with one reddened eye

seemed like more of a salon than a clinic

fake cheesy waterfall paintings

Jesus quotes throughout

too close to the massage parlors for me

felt dirty

sitting alone in the booth

She said “had you said aaaaaahhh when I inserted this,

there’d be no more sessions for you

she turned on the machine and left me alone

as the water pushed

Sounds of sucking water

and big bubbles

actually freeing to just let go

to shit yourself without consequence

Made me look forward to being a geriatric

Does she sterilizes the tubes

The bedding

The gowns

The equipment

It wasn’t nearly as painful as the first time.

But nowhere near as pleasant either.

~Edward Austin Robertson~


Catch and Release

31 Mar


After every bad one

the hope went out for someone

with depth of character

someone sweet,

genuine and caring,

someone interesting to talk to

but still fairly attractive

good looking enough for me to remain faithful.


The trade off from kinky to crazy

was rapidly losing its value.


But wanting a decent person

meant being a decent person

meant becoming a patient person

worth the wait of being happy

with someone who didn’t

shriek, yell, or get drunk and embarrass you in public

Someone who didn’t  say cruel things to strangers.


Someone with a sense of virtue that didn’t border self-righteousness.


The truth was I was more into kink

than I was into sex

but the problem was that you couldn’t marry kink.

Couldn’t turn groupies into girlfriends

or hoes into housewives

(as they used to say in my day).


The truth  was that she just as crazy as the rest of them.

She just hid it better.


~Edward Austin Robertson~


30 Mar

The difference between me

ingesting mushroom chocolates

and brownies with my friends from Texas,

sharing the moment with dancing buxom Dorothy’s

and hundreds of other freaks in the middle of a lightening storm

overlooking the mountains

during  the Primus and Flaming Lips

giant bubble inflated show,

and just listening to it outside–

in what would amount to a massive waste of

time, energy, money and mileage

was a paperless ticket

bought from a guy who had an extra

(Asheville, NC, good music scene right?)

I prayed he would have the proper respect

for such a musical event

in his seemingly honest eyes.

After an hour of being in the long cavernous line

the usher scanned the laser gun to

the ticket’s bar code

revealing itself as the moment of the truth

the elation in my face said it all.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

Intelligence is the distance between your brain and your genitals

30 Mar

It be quite simple to say that I didn’t make the pro’s because I couldn’t hit the curveball

but that’s not exactly true is it?

I could knock the shit out of it

or foul it away if i knew what was coming.

I whiffed on the first one I’d ever seen

a 3-2 pitch from this tall gangly eighth grader

and he made me look foolish

but 2 years later I remembered

what he’d done to me with the very same count

in the exact same circumstances.

I was dialed in when he tossed it

and it hung there asking for me

to boomerang it over the right fielder’s head for

a game changing two run triple.

Our team rolled theirs the rest of the way

and I felt like a hero.

And maybe that was when I peaked as an athlete.

Or maybe I didn’t work hard enough

or maybe I was just plain distracted

and never reached my full potential.

Maybe had I practiced more

found my focus

and had some discipline I’d have been good enough

to play at a small college somewhere in Texas.

But I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants

and pussy derailed my baseball career.

Had I focused on anything as much

as I did on getting laid

I’d probably be rich by now.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

Red Light

30 Mar

Hard to get aroused without any kissing

something I realized long ago from dealing with the Pro’s.

It still was hard to turn away from the Hungarian Policewomen

and Naughty Nurses

up and down the canal

avoiding the He-She’s draped under the blue neon

looking for the lesbian sex shows

but settling for titty milk and a bananna.

A private dance risked

telling lies upon my return home.

The ATM rule was instituted

to protect me from myself.

Anything I still wanted by the time

I withdrew money

could be had

but it undermined a firm belief

that my cock was priceless

and that sex was something I should never

have to pay for in terms of money–

though that may be a different

story if I were to visit Amsterdam today.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

5’11 200 lbs 33 years old

21 Mar


Ride to work

Ride to work out.

Even when you’re not feeling anything but tired.

Being tired isn’t a good enough excuse.

Keep your head down.

Ignore the external.

Embrace the internal.

Embrace your Alpha.

Ignore the elements.

Ignore the wind chill.

Its winter.

Its the mid-west.

Its supposed to be cold.

If the sun shines

then thank the heavens,

and if its raining

do the same.

Do the extra

in extraordinary.

Don’t cheat yourself

Don’t defeat yourself.

Push through.

Push through the self-pity.

Push through the apathy.

Push through the lethargy.

Push through the depression.

Push towards the anger

and use it as fuel.

Push through it all.

Its worth it.

Winter morning in Kansas

9 Mar

The state line was the turning point

seemed like everything was already

had already changed

it’d all be different coming back.

So many question marks to return to.

I turned the radio up and blew into my hands

daylight and there were hours to go.

people out of their cars

checking on the delay

blowing frosty cold air from their nostrils

I was making good time

but now I’d have to be patient

Just wait.

almost considered turning around

then almost considered

getting out and taking a piss

in the nearest ditch

the cold and the spectators

be damned.

But I had an obligation to keep

as a vehicle in line

and I didn’t want to do

anything that would cause more delay.

A solemn mid western sunrise

gentle flickers of light

hit my pupils

the prairie star made its appearance

too early to be excited

still had to make it there.

silence and guitar strums

segue the louder

movements of the trains

fighting inertia

metal scraping metal

grinding of the wheels

squeaking and rolling

slowly building

momentum backwards

then rolling east away

towards hence I came.

People slowly eased back into their cars

engines revving into a relieved


as the train rolled further away

and soon out of view.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

An omen Perhaps?

6 Mar