
That you bought at the grocery store today
And it goes fast
You think of the past
And the clouds all form a geometric shape
And it goes fast
You think of the past
As you’re folding up the shirts you hesitate
Then it goes fast
Think of the past
The difference between me
ingesting mushroom chocolates
and brownies with my friends from Texas,
sharing the moment with dancing buxom Dorothy’s
and hundreds of other freaks in the middle of a lightening storm
overlooking the mountains
during the Primus and Flaming Lips
giant bubble inflated show,
and just listening to it outside–
in what would amount to a massive waste of
time, energy, money and mileage
was a paperless ticket
bought from a guy who had an extra
(Asheville, NC, good music scene right?)
I prayed he would have the proper respect
for such a musical event
in his seemingly honest eyes.
After an hour of being in the long cavernous line
the usher scanned the laser gun to
the ticket’s bar code
revealing itself as the moment of the truth
the elation in my face said it all.
~Edward Austin Robertson~
I.
He flew in on Frontier airlines
into Denver.
Frozen Snow on the tarmac
thinking of that time he touched down
into Alaska
to meet up with a college friend
to shoot guns and chase the lights.
He was only a connecting flight
away from seeing his grand plans
come into fruition.
A Plantain farm
somewhere deep in Costa Rica.
The big payoff
for his year of frugality.
II.
He kicked things off on
New Year’s Eve hitching
a ride with a malcontent buddy
down to Oklahoma City
for the Flaming Lips freakout.
The most spectacular show in
his life’s most recent memory.
Though his buddy was far from impressed,
he had a party to attend
and so they parted ways
with a promise
to meet later so
he could collect his booze
and belongings.
And when asked how he was going to get around,
he said ” I’ll figure it out.”
Then he focused his attention
towards the stage and the
performing of the “Soft Bulletin”.
III.
And so the show ended.
He didn’t scramble nor panic
but made a call to someone
he knew that had floor seating,
and caught a ride to a party
in the Paseo district near the
neighborhood where his buddy
would be staying for the night.
He grabbed a drink and ignored
the other drunks and turned
his focus to the dimples
on her adorable face.
The more they talked
polygamy, anarchy, and
Edward Abbey,
the closer their faces got
and the lower their voices dropped
and the crowd around them disappeared.
IV.
Inside her house,
kissing in her doorway,
with his belongings
in the trunk of a cab
the meter running
the departure time nearer
his heart racing.
Slipping his tongue into
the tender and erotic,
hands sweeping across her buns,
her fingers dancing along his waist.
It couldn’t be the end
maybe back in OKC
or a farm in south Texas
but this wasn’t goodbye,
not at 5:30 AM.
Which is why he calmly ignored
the jumping dog pawing at his arms
and the running meter outside
and the bus sitting at the Greyhound station,
the people already boarding.
Because sometimes you just know
when the mojo is in your favor
that everything is running on time
that everything is okay.
She says to him,
“You have to go don’t you?”
and he nods his head yes.
They kiss one final time
before he heads out the door
and out into the
cold Oklahoma streets.
~Edward Austin Robertson~
Some events in life force you to never see the world the same again.
Bags packed (check)
Passport (check)
Tolietries (check)
Books of poetry (check)
Olympus digital camera (check)
Ordained license (check)
Suit for Wedding (check)
I guess I’m ready then. New York City here I come, and other places.
Each phase a different trip. City then country, then mountains then the West Coast again.
I had my last therapy session for a while I think. I had some fundamental issues that needed to be addressed. Basically I’d been sabotaging my happiness with unrealistic expectations, then falling into a neurotic funk if I failed to meet them.
Even when I succeeded it was on to the next project, the next city, the next woman. It really stifled me from being in the present moment. Goals are great to have but you gotta enjoy the journey. Gotta be able to enjoy where you are at the moment or at least embrace it, even when it isn’t pleasant.
That was probably my biggest lesson. That and to quit letting my little head make decisions for me (A lesson I keep relearning year in and year out).
My dick has lost all of its voting privileges when it comes to my life. It no longer has veto power. It has officially been disenfranchised worse than
Negroes in the Jim Crow South.
Any kind of back talk and it can expect a severe beating, possibly two. No more kissing and telling, no more going after emotionally unavailable women, no more complicated love stories with messy endings. I’m done with that script. Doesn’t interest me any longer.
This will be a pretty bad ass trip. Seeing old friends in New York City, getting to see Ween again on Friday. Trekking through Canada on train,
then into Portland for a wedding and good hang in the Northwest before coming back home. Yes, home. As in Tulsa.
“All we have is now. All we’ll ever have is now.” ~Flaming Lips~
Its not like I wanted to come over, have tea, read poetry, take mushrooms, smoke dope, and discuss politics. I'd have settled for a handshake.
Gary Snyder says to tell you that he’s older than you think, and retired from teaching 9 years ago. He lives in the mountains a long way from Davis. He is not “Japhy Ryder” but one of several modesl for that character. The “Dharma Bums” is a novel, not journalism. And he says he is not reading any new material.
best wishes,
Jann Garitty, Assistant to Gary Snyder
Well, Looks like I won’t be visiting Gary Snyder after all. A bit of a shame considering his age and and the history he holds within his brain cells.
Dharma Bums is one of my favorite books, and its hard not to fall in love with the Japhy Ryder character. Ladies man, ecologist, and poet, he was one of those characters that embodied what it meant to be a renaissance man.
I have a few friends that fall into this character, a buddy of mine living in Oregon certainly comes to mind when i think of real life examples of Japhy Ryders.
As disappointed as I am that I won’t get to meet the man himself, I certainly understand. I’m sure he gets thousands of emails and letters from “writers” and fans just wanting to be near him.
I can imagine it gets annoying. I do feel quite lucky that he even responded. Years ago, there was a columnist from ESPN named Ralph Wiley who iw as a huge fan of.
I’d spent a summer reading all of his stuff, “Why Black People tend to Shout” and other books by him. He was a great voice for sports, honest and insightful, and one of my favorites.
I remember after one morning of reading his article (hew as one of the few who’d predicted the ’04 Pistons would beat the Lakers), I thought I should email him and tell him how much I loved his work.
Of course I didn’t, ended up playing grab ass with my then girlfriend, or something, and figured I could email him some other time.
Well he died of a heart attack later that week. It struck me as odd, because he was only 52, but also because I’d just finished one of his books.
He was a great writer, and funny, and his death left a big void in the sports writing world. And all I kept thinking was I should’ve emailed him.
I’ve sent letters and emails to various people over the last ten years from Radiohead to Wayne Coyne, of the Flaming Lips, to the Sports Guy Bill Simmons, and not one of them has ever responded.
Well of course, Snyder didn’t respond either. But he at least told his assistant to take the time to write me and tell me to “get lost, scram, to beat it kid.”
I’m honored really. One of the last links to the Beat Generation had his assistant write me and tell me to fuck off, but in a slightly polite way. Seriously I can dig it.
And the truth is, I didn’t email him to be another sychophant scmhuck, telling him something he needs to hear. He already knows he’s awesome, you don’t make it that far, not knowing that. He doesn’t need the ego stroke.
I did it for me. I did it because it needed to be said, just to tell him, “hey motherfucker, I know you could really give a shit, but your presence in this world, turned my life upside down. And I realized I couldn’t live my life the same way ever again.”
and what is a person to say to that? Thanks? Cheers?
No response will be anything short of awkward, and yet its almost necessary to send those sort of letters.
Why? I don’t know, because if you appreciate something or someone, it feels good to tell them. No matter what the response.
“I love you” is one of those weird phrases as well. If you’re saying it for the response back then it aint real. I say it to friends all the time and it gets a bit awkward, but at least they know, and it doesn’t bottle up, and when they go, I can at least know that they knew how I felt.
I say it, I give give gifts because it feels good to, not for what I’ll get in return. Its a totally selfish endeavor nonetheless, and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.