I tried my best to focus on the show
knowing she was only a feet away
somewhere in the ballroom.
And I wanted to ask her what she thought
but she was already hanging out with
someone she’d met on Tinder
just a revolving door
of first dates
instead of really dealing with whatever she was going through.
I wanted to still be friends
wanted even to pick things back up after a bit of space
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see anyone else
but I was interested in the possibility of sleeping with other women
for a short spell.
I didn’t know what that meant
and wasn’t sure how to tell her
that I felt like I was suffocating
and that my life was moving in the wrong direction
if any direction at all.
ANd worst of all, I was homesick,
longing for a place that I wasn’t sure ever existed.
I felt , anchored to mediocrity, rudderless
and sometimes being with her only
reminded me of everything else
that I wasn’t doing.
But I was open to trying it again
if she could just get her head straight.
If I didn’t have to drag her away from her comforts.
No one was rooting harder for her to do it than me.
But these were all feelings that I didn’t have words for.
But seeing how lost she looked
only brought those feelings home
when the band started playing Yasmine the Light.
It was already too late, but neither of us knew it yet.
~Bob E. Freeman
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 