Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback

Despite all the things she told me
all the things she “felt”
all the things I’d thought
about her
about us
it was the thing that I’d overlooked
or couldn’t see
about her
about us
that did us in.

And perhaps I wasn’t ready for it.
I was quite frightened
of what it all meant
of what could happen
of where things could end up
for us
and for me
but I believed it could work out
if we believed in it.
that I’d be okay
no matter what transpired
and that I had no choice
but to see it through.

And maybe I did
this was as far as it was to go
and maybe what I learned
is exactly what I needed
to know.

But I’d never been so sure
about anyone
or anything
and didn’t know what to take
of being so wrong
or so right about a person
or a situation.

For a while I believed
that she didn’t have enough faith
in the unknown
that if anything she’d said had been
true– that it wouldn’t have been so easy
for her
to leave it behind
to chase an illusion
and to be where she is
seemingly content
with where she is now
with whom she is now.

Its true there were others after her
but I knew the score going in with them.
The ceiling wasn’t nearly as high
nor the shelf life quite as long
for those succeeding her.

But what the hell did I know?
I was probably just so naive
because if anything I’d thought
were correct
I’d be up there with her
or she’d be down here
with me.

At best I can take solace
from the brief glimpse
into possibilities
that since I’d found her
surely there must be others
like her
and maybe next time
I’d be prepared (are we ever?)
and the plunge wouldn’t be quite as deep
or the leap nearly so scary (or fatal)
and that there wouldn’t be anything to hide
away or come clean about
from the onset
and that when we slipped into those roles
that seem so eerily familiar
and disarmingly natural
there will be no second guessing myself
or the situation.

Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson