The Myth of Notre Dame

Much like when the media looked stupid for sucking on Paterno’s dong for so long in the 80’s, kissing Paterno’s ass for so many years, the myth of Notre Dame is threatening to come apart at the seams.

Everyone was drinking the Manti Te’o kool aid. Everybody but me.

I am a reknowned and unapologetic Notre Dame hater. The media lapped at the leprechan’s tiny little nutsack like there was gold in his testes.

Much like when the “U” played Pedo State, the media vilified Jimmy Johnson and the Hurricanes, billing the matchups as the Catholics vs. the Convicts (even though there were many Catholics on those Miami squads). It was the battle of good vs. evil.

Every year Notre Dame is ranked higher than they should be and this year was no different. Yea I know they were undefeated, but who did they really beat? I am still convinced that Stanford got jobbed out of that OT game in South Bend.

Did I enjoy that ass whupping Bama put on them? Oh you betcha, every minute of it. It was even better than watching Lebron put it on the Lakers last night (refreshing to see him do to someone besides my Thunder boys).

As much as I hated ND, I had to give it to Te’o. He was looking raw all year long (except when Bama’s Lacy trucked his ass in the open field). I figured they would give his ass the Heisman based on his “life story” a la John Cappelletti.

Surely they would not give a Heisman to a freshman. But they did, electing not to give it to a defensive player only, and making the right choice for so many reasons (imagine had he won that motherfucker–what a scandal that would have been).

I’ve read some great articles with great angles, and I’ve heard and read all kinds of theories

from Bill Simmons

to Jason Whitlock.

I originally thought that perhaps he was indeed in on the hoax, but that was way too dark of a conclusion to jump to (and possibly too simple of an explanation).

My theory:

His homeboy was pranking on him for a minute and by the time Te’o figured it out, the Michigan State game had already happened. So at this point, he could either go public with his embarrassment, or ride with it. I imagine something like that would be difficult for a 22 year old masculine all American linebacker to do,especially once the subplot went national.

How do you stop a train that gains such momentum especially a train with an engine like the Notre Dame PR machine?

And here’s another angle. Isn’t Te’o a Mormon? Is it that far-fetched for a man who can suspend his disbelief in reality enough to become a Mormon, to become catfished by his buddy for a span of a couple of years( Hell Grantland has a contributing writer who himself was catfished and they made a movie about it) The desire for a heaven can be quite alluring for some, one may argue that a woman’s warm vagina is simply Heaven incarnated.

And who’s to say who knew what when? Who’s to say that Manti didn’t try to come clean earlier and Notre Dame’s spin machine put the kaibosh on it?

“No. You will play through this Manti. And you will play valiantly as the hero you are, as an exemplary warrior that represents Notre Dame. You will become the FIFTH Horsemen. Say nothing to no one about this. We got you.

The poor fucker probably didn’t know what do? And as much as I hate agreeing with Bill Simmons, I would believe anything about this story at this point. The story is just too weird and so out of control.

These songs go out to you Manti.

Tags: Bill Simmons, Catfished, Deadspin, Easier with Practice, Elvin Bishop, fake dead girlfriend, Hoax, Jason Whitlock, Manti T'eo, Notre Dame, Slick Rick, Teenaged Love