I went to go see Die Hard on Christmas Eve and Nearly Died Laughing

8 Jan

When my homie invited me to go see Die Hard at the Alamo Drafthouse, I immediately said “hell yeah.”
Then I thought, “Wait a minute. There is an Alamo Drafthouse in Dallas?” Well alright then.

I was excited about seeing it on the big screen because of the above posted trailer. I was in 4th grade when the movie initially came out. I had watched my fair share of Moonlighting, with Willis and Cybil Shephard. Plus the elevator shaft scene had me so hyped as a kid. I would slide down the railing on the stairs of my mom’s apartment and allow myself to fall and catch the bottom–recreating the scene in my head.

One night, there was a double feature, I think the opening movie was Lethal Weapon. While my mother was getting ready, I decided to get one last “Die Hard!” reenactment before we left. Feeling extra hype, I took off from the top of the railing, and lunged for the top of the railing instead of the bottom.

POW!! POW!! POW!!!!

Fireworks went off inside my head from hitting the concrete. My head was banging, but there was no way I was missing the movie. I didn’t say much the rest of the night and actually fell asleep before Die Hard even got underway.

Thinking back on it, I probably had a concussion and probably should not have gone to sleep. It is crazy to think that I could have died in my sleep and my mom would have been clueless as to what happened. Can you imagine the investigation after the autopsy showing I’d had some blunt trauma to my head? Would they have believed my mother or would they have thrown her in the clink?

Back to the present day. We buy our tickets and walk into the theater. In front of every seat is an orange tip cap gun, which to me seems a little insensitive considering the current climate in this country. I jokingly told my buddy that I wasn’t going anywhere near my cap gun, and privately plotted my escape just in case someone brought a real gun. I wasn’t going to be a victim of the “Die Hard” shooter if things went down. Maybe it was the weed causing the paranoia, or maybe it was just paranoia. But seeing a “shoot ’em up” movie suddenly made me uneasy. The police officers in New York had just been killed and I was on edge. Things have gotten so weird that nothing hardly surprises me anymore (especially when it happens in Florida).

I calmed down once the movie started though. There is barely 15 minutes of exposition before they jump right into the action. I’d forgotten just how funny the movie is. There is a self awareness in every action scene that allows the actors to deliver their lines in a tongue in cheek fashion. Even the the scenes where people get capped are funny–not in an over the top way, but there is at least an acknowledgment of absurdity throughout.

Carl Winslow is in the movie,and my favorite character is the nerdy black guy (who could have easily been the inspiration for Steve Urkel) who is a wiz at computer hacking, “Well looky here. The police have themselves and RV!!!” The best part for me was when McClane says “Yippee Cayyeee Muthafucka!!!” and the audience clapped.

Despite the goofy CB dialogue between John McClane and Carl Winslow, and the pregnant secretary drinking champagne, I’d say this movie is pretty flawless as an action flick. I bet it was a fun movie to make.


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