“Coz” and Effect

11 Aug

I’m working really hard on getting down to my fighting weight. When I left for the summer I was sitting a Boris Diaw-esque 225 lbs. I’m at a comfortable 195 lbs. now, but I can certainly get trimmer. I’m finally recovered from the Hernia surgery I underwent in January.

It really messed with my performance. I’d have to warn dates ahead of time “look girl, don’t go confusing this for love. I’m only stroking this slow because of my hernia”

The operation costs 23,000 though. More than it cost me in my 8 years of undergrad. Luckily I had insurance, so i’m only paying like 3,000 of it–only. I looked at the itemized stuff though. It was crazy. 11,000 dollars for the 6 hours I spent in the recovery room.

You know how many escorts I could have hired to play “nurse” to me in the comfort of my own home? Three.

One could have held my head up, another chick with a can of soda pop to my mouth with a straw in it.  Then another girl could’ve had a latex glove on her hand and finished me off. And that’s just the first five minutes.

They could’ve spent the rest of the six hours playing with each other’s titties for my amusement.  If I’m going to throw down that kind of money, someone should be wiping the ejaculate off their face.

#Money well spent

Had I known it was going to be that expensive, I’d have never had the surgery, and just gone through life having sex like a 70 yr old on Viagra. ” Why of course I love you girl. You think I be stroking like that for every chick? I can’t stroke no slower.”

But luckily I had insurance. I wish you could have seen the lady’s face when I told her my insurance carrier. You’d have think I told her I had a nine inch cock. “Oooooooh Mr. Mickey, you have really good insurance…….”

If I could take her voice and loop that one sentence onto a recording, I’d never have to watch porn again.

I spent the early part of that winter eating cheeseburgers, and watching OZ on HBOGO. Shit was grim. I remember as a kid, trying to avoid even being in the same room when that show was on. Prison was a scary thing to think about. The thought of being locked up in a facility with no rights and (worse–no women) frightened me. Not to mention the mere threat of being raped. I felt those old adolescent fears creep up again while watching what I thought (mistakenly) was a treatise on the corrupt justice system. This was when I had what some people would call a “light bulb moment”.

Was this the same kind of fear that some women feel every day in the outside world?

These are things we males take for granted. Think about that the next time you and your homies wanna catcall a chick.

I personally I don’t see the endgame in it. 

As a creepy dude, you really only have two options. Either go up to the woman and tell her what it is about her that you admire. OR you catch the image and say a silent prayer to to the “creepy Gods” for every piece of skin or butt outline that you were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of. That’s it, thank the God of Flesh “Creeopolees” and keep it moving.

And If I get busted I just laugh about it and just shrug. Sometimes I’ll just say “If God didn’t want me to look, he wouldn’t have made you so beautiful”

The way I see it, itis like when you are out hiking and you see a beautiful tree that you appreciate. Sometimes you get too close to the tree and accidentally brush up against it. This is excusable, but you don’t fondle the tree bark without permission , and you certainly don’t rip a leaf off the branch because you think it’s pretty. That is assault.

Here is a frightening thought, 1 out of every 4 women is sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Do you realize how high of a percentage that is? I’d play Powerball with those kind of odds.

If I were going skydiving and the pilot told me that 1 out of every 4 packs was missing a parachute, you better believe we’d be turning that plane around. 25 % is a ridiculously high number. We gotta treat our women better…….

One of the seldom talked about consequences of this whole Cosby scandal, is that he single-handedly ruined it for creepy dudes everywhere. Now I feel especially guilty for looking at women’s asses when I open the doors for them.

One minute you’re at Whole Foods fetishizing women in yoga pants, and before you know it, you’re buying a Quaalude from your gynecologist buddy. Its a slippery slope. 

I think this is the cause of “Mommy” jeans and jammies returning to vogue. I think women are so fed up with our bullshit, that they are going out of their way to look unattractive. This is what our society has become. Its no wonder they are in Japan building robots for people to have sex with. We’ve lost our humanity.




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