Jeff had every brand of Jordan tennis shoes ever known to man
and most of the Nike shoes of that era.
He had every G. I. Joe ever created
and best of all,
he had an adjustable graphite backboard
that we could dunk on when we pulled it down to 8 feet.
He even had a great porno stash.
His dad owned a baseball card and his mom
bankrolled the family as a hotshot lawyer.
She looked like a poor man’s Geena Davis.
I always hoped to catch a glimpse of her in her lingerie
whenever I spent the night over there.
Hanging out with him came at a price though.
He was goofy and asinine
and frequently tried talking us guys into playing naked freeze tag
in his enormous two story house
(I’m very proud to say he never succeeded).
This white boy would pull his pecker out
and slap it against his stomach
while watching “Saved By the Bell” on his couch.
Hard to believe I ever had a friend like him.
Today I wonder about those weird days
and what could possibly become of a guy
who grew up fingering his cat’s butt hole for fun.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 
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