Tag Archives: McDonald’s

a dime a dozen

14 Jul

If anybody knows about Pimpin' I'd think it's big Daddy.

If anybody knows about Pimpin' I'd think it's big Daddy.

When a man meets a woman, and if she’s fairly attracted (sometimes if she isn’t) I believe there are a series of thoughts running through his head.

If he’s aware of this or not is another story, but usually its Could I sleep with this woman? Would I sleep with this woman? and finally, Should I sleep with this woman?

Now, the resulting action is a totally different story altogether.

Some men are smart enough to think on it for a second, hypothesize and leave it at just a state of thought. Other men not as gifted in the brains department tend to act on these thoughts, even if they are already involved.

Some of them with women not even remotely as cool as the ones they already have. I was guilty of this a few times in college, chalking it up to a desire for variety rather than stupidity.

Only now can I admit how stupid I was. I’ve thrown away opportunities with various women simply because I couldn’t decide (And my friends think I’m difficult at restaurants).

Those friends who did decide to take the plunge always told me, “hey Bobby, when its the right one, you’ll know because it will be ridiculously easy.”

Its kinda true. There are plenty of good looking women out there. But when you meet one who just fits, you realize how special that is.

Physical attraction is one thing, but now that I’m 30 and can’t be led around by my Johnson, I require a bit more than looks to keep me interested. If a woman can’t hold a conversation with me (or vice versa) I lose interest quickly.

The biggest sex organ in the body is the brain. I like clever women, with a quick mind and good sense of humor. A nice pair of legs is a bonus obviously, there must be some physical chemistry.

I find it much easier to be friends with a funny, not so attractive, and sweet girl, who has interesting things going on in her head, than to hang around a smoking hot, vapid, and ultimately boring woman.

Tons of those out there. Believe it or not, after I met someone who was really special and offered something that no other girl had readily available, I wouldn’t even look twice at the aesthetically pleasing hot girls walking up and down the Toronto streets.

Not only had I met someone who was cute, and had a great pair of legs, but she was also funny and innaresting, and extremely sweet.
Don’t get me wrong. I meet these kinds of girls all the time, its just they usually are my friends’ girlfriends and wives.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered how lucky I’d been at meeting this young lady, and finding she was really single. giddyup!!!!!!!

Now I’m not saying I’m gona run off and get married or anything crazy like that. I’m just saying, its hard to find good friends who you can relate to on a genuine level, and even harder to find one that finds you sexually attractive.

As Big Daddy Kane says, “What do you have when you find you’ve only got $1.20 in your pocket and twelve hoes?”

“Proof that hoes come a dime a dozen.”

Much easier to get laid than to get a good backrub. That’s the good stuff.

Like the difference between McDonald’s and a home cooked meal. WacArnold’s will do the job, and is good in the short term (though you might regret it later).

although a home cooked meal takes a bit longer to prepare, it is much more satisfying, and involves a lot more love.

Subliminal Messages

15 Jun

Maybe Chevy couldn't afford him

Maybe Chevy couldn't afford him

Racism is a very subtle thing. We have a black president for God’s sakes. If you want to insult a member of a different race, then you have to be more clever, call them a minority, or a refugee.

Now they say “there’s no more room tonight” instead of “we don’t serve your kind.”

Watching television can really sharpen your eyes to it. Check out the commercials on the tube. Remember that Mellencamp commercial for Chevy Trucks? “This is OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUURRRRR Country”Sure you may feel good inside and downright patriotic at first, but then keep watching, and you’ll see nothing but white boys in pick up trucks.

I can’t relate to that. Now I know for a fact that Chevy makes a brand of car that others can relate to. You mean to tell me they don’t have extra money to commission Snoop Doggy Dogg for a coupla spots.

“All my Chevies in Inglewood drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot. All my Chevies in Long Beach, drop it like its hot, drop it like its hot.

Its the Snoop Dizzle, home of the World Champion Los Angeles Lakers.
Befo you put yo kizzle in the ignizzle, be sure not to drizzle, fo rizzle.”

Wow, selling cars, and advocating safety at the same time. Ralph Nader would be proud.

On the flip side, there are the wack ass McDonald’s Commercials (or as I’ve been calling them since 2005, WacArnold’s).

No mistake who they’ve been catering to. People with a high history of heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension.

It’s like J. Edgar hoover gave out a directive before he died: “If the crack epidemic don’t wipe em out, let’s push McDonald’s in the ghetto.”

Nixon was sitting in on the meeting and was like, “Great idea Hoover, high five!!!”

Years later:

IT’s baaaaaaack. For a limited time only, come and get that McRib Sandwich. Ya’ll Ni-Ni-Ni- Niggas need this.

DDADADADADDA I’m loving it.

of course its only a matter of time before we have Durex commercials with interracial couples:

[Pale blonde waspy chick in front of bathroom mirror, turns to camera]

“When I’m out balling my black boyfriend behind my parents back, we like to use Durex. Extra Extra Large.

Because when your inheritance is at stake, you don’t wanna take aaaannnny chances.”

[deep soulful voice] “Hey baby gurl. You coming to bed or what?”

“Oh coming Mandingo. [lowers voice] I think its time for our second pack.”

End Scene.

You think this blog will get me hired at Weiden/Kennedy?