Regional Bias III

15 Jun

Davey Crockett he ain't. I'm a call you Duuuubya.

Davey Crockett he ain't. I'm a call you Duuuubya.

California was a nice trip. Great weather, fantastic weed. It would’ve been perfect if not for the Californians. They always got the gas face when I told them I was from Texas. I’d be rapping to a chick.

“Yea baby girl. I’m from Texas.”

“Boooooooo, Texas. That’s Bush country isn’t it?”

As if California isn’t responsible for eight years of Ronald Reagan.
Bush isn’t even a native Texan. He’s from Maine, went to Yale. It’s not like he was one of the first settlers from Tennessee to come to Texas and vanquish 1,000’s of Mexicans to win their right to own slaves.

Those are the true Texans. Bush just bought a baseball team and became governor. He’ll always be a yankee in my book. But its because of this Yankee yahoo that people think Texans are stupid.

To which I reply “Look you’re absolutley wrong. Texans are not stupid…….it’s just too fucking hot to think. Cut us some slack.”

My I.Q. jumped about 10 points when I moved out to the west coast. I started using big words in my vocabulary. Like photosynthesis.

And Chlamydia.

The most interesting part about California was their passion for the environment.

And not wanting niggers in it.

I came to this realization when I was working for Greenpeace, door to door in neighborhoods up in the Oakland Hills.

My trainer was this blue eyed, blonde haired golden boy type with a strong jaw line, strutting with the confidence of knowing he came out of the Aryan Annual.

He cleaned up, people clamoring to give him what they had. “You had dinner yet? Wanna brownie, wanna cookie, want my wife? Anything for the cause buddy.”

My side of the block was never that friendly. I couldn’t even get them to open up their doors. [Man looks out window and shakes his head.]
“No sir. Not falling for the old nigger with the clipboard gag again. Helen call the police!!!!! That crack head from Jungle Fever is here again.”


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