Effortless Reflection

2 Jul

It was unavoidable.
The pain and wonder
weren’t
worth giving
in to
the fear
of attachment.

She and the
city
worked
in tandem
to break
down
all
my defenses,

crumpling
under
her touch
until
I felt
my
whole body alive
with
self
awareness.

So when
I told
her I
loved
her

I couldn’t
have meant
the
accumulation
of all
her experiences
that
made her
who she
was.

I barely knew
her.

I didn’t just
mean
the amazingly
beautiful
woman
she was
becoming
right before
my very eyes.

Nor was I
just talking
about
the
invisible
orb
within her
that held
her
capacity
to empathize
and embrace
everything around her.

I was
also
saying
that I loved
the person
I was
when
I was
with
her.

It was effortless
to become
the person
I wanted
to be.

It finally
caught up
to me
when
the bus left
the downtown
Greyhound
station.

Passing
all
the streets
I’d roamed
just
weeks
and days
earlier.

Rethinking
my feelings
about the week
of rooftop conversations
and backyard
grilling,
and making
salads
from the
greens
in her garden.

Then I felt
myself
crying.

About
leaving her.

Crying about leaving
the city.

And finally
crying
about leaving
behind
the person

I was
going to
be.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

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