Literally

It took me until I was about six years old before I realized that getting off of work didn’t involve my mother climbing outside her office window and carefully scaling down the building, one floor at a time.

When I was eleven, my cousin was eating a cream filled ho-ho when he turned to me with cream on his lips and said, “Man it looks like I been eating pussy.”
And I couldn’t help but think…….eating pussy..why would you eat the pussy? Wouldn’t you want to save some for later???

But the worst gaffe was when I was hanging out with some kids after school in fourth grade. We were on the steps to my apartment looking at Playboy magazine. I think it was the first time I’d seen a nudie magazine. I was so blown away that I said, ” Wow If this is what Playboy is, I can’t wait to see what Playgirl looks like.”

If my life were a movie, the record would have skipped. The other kids looked at me in stupified awe.

“Dude you realize that Playgirl is for women? Its nothing but naked dudes in that magazine.”
UGH.

It never occcured to me that women would want to look at a magazine full of naked men.

I was a weird kid.