It was the neighbor’s dog that took me
back to that last conversation
at some diner downtown.
Saying goodbye,
kissing and holding her lovely fingers
in my hands.
The knot inside my stomach
telling me not to leave–
that our momentary happiness
would disappear once I got on the bus
and left her country.
Whether I had stayed or not did not matter.
My head was so far up my own ass
there was no way it could have worked out–
no matter how ready I thought I was.
I’m not embarrassed about my feelings.
It was definitely on.
Although I am embarrassed about what followed–
the letter exchanges,
cooing and babbling about
singing to out future children,
and a goddamned Shiba Inu puppy.
It should have never gotten that far.
I should have left her at the diner
and left that week in her city,
in her city.
I have since gotten (slightly)better about learning when to let go;
especially where it concerns women.
The truth is I never wanted a Shiba Inu
in the first place.
I’m a Siberian Husky man myself.
I just thought it was a packaged deal.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 
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