Love is Free, But Sex Will Cost You $$$

11 Aug


Being single in Oklahoma felt akin to shopping in the frozen food section at Walmart. The choices in that state are somewhat limited. Most of the normal women there have pursued a path so different in life that dating was unrealistic, while the rest of the lot were either too entitled, or too damaged to get involved with.

I realized this early on upon my return from summer vacation last August, and gave up with dating altogether. To which its no surprise to wake up a year later and realize its been about 14 months since my last full on sexual encounter. The first 3 months were purely by accident, but then I decided to just lean into it.

When someone finds out I’ve been “celibate”, they look me like I’m A.C. Green. Then they ask how can I go that long without sex. My only answer is a practical one. I lived in a place that was a bad dating pool. When you come across a polluted stream, you don’t drink from it, you don’t fish from it, and you certainly don’t bathe in it. I chose to spend what little time I had in Tulsa with the people who I knew cared about me.


Its been so long now that I’m almost afraid to break my streak. Suddenly my next sexual experience is weighted differently than my last. Choosing a woman to achieve coitus with brings the scrutiny and anxiety of losing one’s virginity. Having sex with a woman now is almost the last thing I want to do with someone I am romantically interested

Number one would be talking and watching or even playing basketball. Then (in no particular order) maybe chess, watching a movie, getting high and listening to music, and cooking and eating dinner together, and THEN working up to making out on the couch and grinding until the zippers on our jeans caught fire .

As much as I miss sex, I miss good massages even more. Something that made my first serious relationship different from so many others was that we’d do weird shit like meditate in my dimly lit studio, then give each other full body massages. Now that kind of stuff is way more rare (and intimate) than a random hook-up.

I actually enjoy and appreciate a legitimate conversation with the opposite sex even more than I did when I was younger. It is something that I took for granted back in college. That and cuddling. For an average looking good dude who has managed to squander most of every penny I ever earned, my swagger bewilders women. What do I regular ass dude have to offer that they can’t get from the next Joe Blow?

My confidence comes from the fact that I’m an excellent cuddler, and I give great conversation. Dirty talk now sounds like “yeah gurl, you like this good conversation I’m giving you? Told you it was gonna to be good to you. Came here to give you some of that GREAT conversation. You aint neva had conversation like this have you? You LOVE this conversation don’t you?




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