1.
My baby blue vehicle from 1987 got me around Dallas
like a “Midnight Cruiser” admiring the skyline
escaping my troubles
by becoming the Talk Show Host and Wu-Tang Clan hype man.
Carrollton to Grapevine
Lewisville to Duncanville
Cedar Hill to Allen
Garland to Flower Mound
for this girl and that girl.
Eventually the car broke down and all I could do was walk away
My problems I could always drive away from
but now my car was one of them.
2.
My older cousin had a beautiful smile
that he loved sharing with all the ladies in his life.
He was a smarmy but cool devil.
I once stabbed him in the hand with a pencil
because he wouldn’t stop teasing me.
When things were calm between us he’d come
over to play video games before heading to his girlfriend’s house down the street.
I only saw the hugs
never the drugs
and I’m still naïve enough to believe
that he didn’t deserve the fate
that awaited him outside the door to his home.
It left me more perplexed than sad
and still seems rather unfair.
3.
Uncle Bobby died in his sleep
in some far away city
alone in a hotel room.
He was my favorite because he was fun
super laid back
and never gave me shit.
We both liked music, sports, and women
the basis of most of my adult friendships.
The last time we ever hung out was in Austin
eating seafood and doing shots
our last conversation about Lakers basketball.
I said I’d call him soon
but 2 years went by
and my mother phoned me with the unfortunate news.
He was relatively young
but he impressed upon me that
you can squeeze so much out of life
before the age of 44.
In fact I will feel
extremely lucky if I get another 12 myself.
4.
I’d joked for quite some time
that the only thing my father
had given me worth keeping
was a big dick.
Perhaps he held a grudge
because I chose to live with
my mother when it seemed
perfectly normal to do so.
I’d grow to develop grudges
of my own for all the missed occasions and events
moments and conversations.
The tragic apathy I developed
only compares to the attitude
I exhibit towards strangers.
The difference being I have a better chance
to cultivate a relationship with most strangers.
Too late for us.
Too much time has passed
we don’t need each other
at this point in our lives.
He said many years ago
that I’d understand when I got his age
and had my own kids.
No sons of my own yet
but in a way I do get it.
I know what it is like to choose the wrong woman to love.
To have her say that the way she feels has changed.
I know the pain and anguish of rejection
to be denied access to parts
that were previously accessible.
I find it easier to sympathize with the old man.
He must have been terribly alone in his early 20’s.
Mother dead, his father gone and finding himself newly divorced.
It must have been horrible seeing his first born
call another man “daddy.”
Yes. I feel for you old man
as I should have felt for you then
as I feel for myself now.
I’m a little closer to understanding
how you felt and what you went through.
Though I wish to God I didn’t.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 
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