Fork

19 Feb

It was clear to me that I’d hit a fork in the road

staring down at this naked rear end facing me

from the downward dog position

on my mattress in my filthy skid row apartment.

 

I was cognizant of the chance (at least in my mind)

to get back

at her husband and my ex girlfriend.

but my pettiness and spite

were not strong enough to mask

the odor repeatedly hitting my olfactory glands.

 

There’d be no washing this away

and there was no telling

what new lows awaited me

if I went through with it.

 

This was one of those moments of truth

where I would forever be defined

by my ensuing actions.

There would be no going back

if I decided to plunge

even further into the muddy ditch

that was becoming my life.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

 

 

 

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Suddenly Everything Has Changed

13 Feb
220px-soft_bulletin_cover
Putting all the vegetables away
That you bought at the grocery store today
And it goes fast
You think of the past
Suddenly everything has changed
Driving home the sky accelerates
And the clouds all form a geometric shape
And it goes fast
You think of the past
Suddenly everything has changed
Putting all the clothes you washed away
As you’re folding up the shirts you hesitate
Then it goes fast
Think of the past
Suddenly everything has changed
Songwriters: Michael Ivins / Steven Drozd / Wayne Coyne
Suddenly Everything Has Changed lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Why Tom Brady ain’t the GOAT

30 Jan

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The national media for the longest has been working to cement Tom Brady’s legacy as the greatest quarterback in NFL history. I can probably be talked into it despite all the  Super Bowl L’s (and near L’s) he has taken in his career. You gotta give the guy credit for having such a long and fruitful career and even making it to 8(!!!) Super Bowls in his career.

The man is playing his best football at the ripe old age of 41, and it is impressive as hell. Forget the weird video of him kissing his son on the mouth. Forget the stupid MAGA hat, Trump (non) endorsement, and forget the fact that every time he is even sneezed on, the other team gets a penalty (and oh man does he have a history of crying to the refs for flags).

All that being said, the media has tried to flip the script and say this man is the greatest football player of all time. Do you know what kind of slap in the face that is to anyone who has ever laced them up in the NFL?

When someone says the word football player, I think of names like Deacon Jones, Dick Butkus, Gale Sayers, Warren Sapp, Mike Singletary, Ed Reed, Walter Payton, Emmitt Smith, Ronnie Lott, Barry Sanders, Deion Sanders, Lawrence Taylor, Charles Woodson, Ray Lewis, Devin Hester,  Charles Haley–and even Hines Ward comes to mind. Half these names I listed didn’t even play offense and hardly touched the ball. That is how destructive they were to the opposing team’s game plan. Cover corners like Deion Sanders and Charles Woodson eliminated an entire side of the field when they were in the game. LT could decimate half of a team’s playbook because he was such a destructive force. You could say the same for Ed Reed or Ray Lewis, and even Charles Haley.

More times than not, next to the kicker, the quarterback position is where the worst athlete on the field lines up. A quarterback’s success is largely tied to so many other people doing their jobs correctly that it is disrespectful to single a QB out as the best player on a team. Ask former NFL QB’s like Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, Dan Marino, and Warren Moon how well being the best player on a team with no weapons worked out for them. On the flip side consider a the production a player like Terrell Owens had despite playing with quarterbacks like Tony Romo, Jeff Garcia and Donovan McNabb.

Let’s consider all the factors that have helped Tom Brady become the player he was:

  1. No QB has ever had Super Bowl success without a good offensive line. In fact, the ten other players on the offensive side of the ball all have to do their jobs correctly in order for the team to even have a positive play–much less for a quarterback to put up significant production.
  2. Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski. Two of the best tight ends of their era created all kinds of mismatches for opposing coaches and were nightmares when both were on the field at the same time. Both players were too fast to be covered by linebackers and too big and strong to be covered by defensive backs.
  3. Randy Moss. Brady put up record numbers when number 81 lined up for the Patriots.
  4. NFL Rule changes. When Brady first came into the league he was a game manager. His weapons were average wide receivers and really good running backs like Kevin Faulk, Corey Dillon, and his best wideout was a defensive back. The Patriots from 2001-2007 were largely a team carried by a dominant defensive unit and an efficient offense that got just enough points to win. They won with timely special teams plays and clutch kicks by Adam Vinatieri. They won by not making mistakes. As the league went pass friendly and started catering to all the new fans that fantasy football created, there was an impetus to protect quarterbacks and all the skill set offensive players. Suddenly players could only be hit in certain areas of the field and on their bodies. Defensive backs could no longer touch the wide receivers and pass rushing soon became a game of two hand touch. Brady and Peyton Manning and every elite QB benefited the most since these changes. Don’t believe me? Check the passing stats and records for the last 10 years. It is a quarterback’s league now.
  5.  Josh McDaniels. McDaniels was a terrible head coach, but he is an offensive innovator and dare I say guru of a coordinator? Brady’s production suffered when McDaniels took the job in Denver, and miraculously went up when McDaniels was rehired after the Broncos gave him the boot. Coincidence????
  6. Lastly, Bill Belichick. Would Brady have had the same career had he played for coaches like Jason Garrett, Wade Phillips, Jim Schwartz, Dave Wannstedt, or Chan Gailey? C’mon Son FOH with that nonsense.

 

Football is a team sport–the ultimate team sport. Quarterbacks get way too much credit as it is, especially in this new flag football era. You show me a QB who has success and I’ll ask you who his coaches and offensive linemen are, then I’ll ask who he is throwing the ball to. Basketball at best is 5 on 5 and one player can change the outcome of a game immensely. Baseball is a team sport based upon individuals performance, but football is a collection of everyone’s efforts and success that influence the game’s outcomes. Get ready for it though, if the Patriots win this Sunday, you’re going to hear all kinds of think pieces on how Tom Brady is the ultimate winner and football player. Just remember to tell them that the history of football goes back further than a couple of decades, and tell them to show some fucking respect.

 

BM

In the Pocket

24 Jan

My 20’s were a roller coaster:

Lots of highs and lots of lows,

trying to figure out who I was, what I stood for,

and what I wanted out of life.

 

My 30’s were turbulent

but exciting. Big Peaks

Big Valleys,

and low ditches.

Finally knew what I wanted in life,

but hadn’t yet

figured out how to get there.

 

I want my 40’s to stay

incredibly funky

with only the minor dips

as I keep things steady

staying in the pocket

of where and who I wanted to be.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drunk at Beerland circa 2013

21 Jan

Her forbidden lips

were surprisingly juicy,

and tasted of berry.

This was no innocent make out.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

Mulligan (For N.A.)

25 Dec

She made all the heartbreak, heartache and misunderstandings

he’d ever experienced seem obsolete, trivial, and in some instances

disappear as if they’d never happened–which made them

in some ways feel absolutely worth it—all of it.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

Once Upon A Time in Honfleur (Long Story Short)

1 Dec

Tried my damnedest to make it to the Erik Satie museum out in Honfluer. Trains were running funky because it was a Sunday and I ended up stranded in some podunk town that resembled something out of American Werewolf in London. To top it off, it was cold and rainy. Ended up sneaking onto the Paris bound train accompanying this pregnant French woman who spoke good English and smoked bad cigarettes. I swore I’d never go back to France, but to this day I wish I had made it to that museum.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson