The House on Tennesee Street

30 Sep

Nuclear Polio Vaccination

Too close to one of my worst years to be one of my best years

but it was certainly one of the liveliest,

most pivotal of my adulthood.

It was my reaction to a period of deep dissatisfaction.

My brother went off to fight in the war and

my professional mistakes bled into my personal life.

No longer certain of my purpose,

I reversed direction

and spent a year shirking responsibility–and delinquent payments—

taking a massive pay cut to sort things out

in a long overdue gap year.

I leaned into being in that small town.

Remaking Dangerfield’s “Back to School” in my head

and taking advice from Bill Lee and Bill Murray.

Back to square one.

I rediscovered my joy through play and paint:

kicking and shooting and passing and jumping and sweating,

smiling and laughing and dosing; popping and locking, ponging and bonging,

puffing and sipping, napping ,fapping…

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Blizzard pt. 2 (For Kilkenny’s)

30 Sep

The streets were all mine.

The only cars on the road were buried.

the crisp night spread out

into a white blanket of peace.

 

Breathing deeply,

walking alone

“On Guyot” playing in my earbuds

craving a mutual smile

a wink, a flirt, a hug,

a warm beverage

or even the mere threat of a kiss.

I had just the place in mind.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

Geeking out on De La pt.2

1 Sep

Geeking Out on De La

29 Aug

Berkshire Wedding (For Nicole)

25 Aug

Walking her back to the old house felt natural.

I knew there was something there

but I couldn’t have imagined it would lead to this.

I calculated the odds

and I made my move

but I didn’t make it that night.

Sometimes inaction

is a form of action.

There was no pressure to do anything.

But something in the way we hugged each other that night

told me that if I ever had the chance,

I was going to go for it–whatever that meant.

I drove back to town in a heightened state of awareness.

dead sober even though I’d been drinking all that day.

I can’t say that I knew anything would happen.

But I’m telling you that I’m not surprised by any of it.

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

 

It Never Entered My Mind (For Becca)

25 Aug

We never dated

but we were never just friends either.

We could have set better boundaries.

Spending out time casually, eating, laughing, gently comforting,

listening to music and making dinner.

It always started out innocently enough

until we got too comfortable.

Then it became an issue

of how to say goodbye,

whether I should stay over

and if so…………..

It is easy to get wistful.

We had our needs

that neither of us could ultimately fulfill

in the long run, but the short term desires were often met.

If I were to waste my sweetness on anyone at the time

she was the most deserving.

It was easy to be kind to her.

Even then I could sense that it was a trial run

for when the real thing came along.

Had she given me a reason to stay

I probably would have.

But nothing would’ve come of it.

I’d have just hurt her

or she would have hurt me.

Those are pleasant memories.

We had fun together, some of it innocent.

Late night emails from the computer lab

soon became evening phone calls and mix CD’s,

which then became 3 hour drives to “not” spend

the weekend with her– hanging out, making out, doing drugs.

But I don’t miss her.

Just another college romance loaded down

with limitations,

but tempered with realistic expectations.

 

 

~Edward Austin Robertson

 

 

Cover (for Nancy)

25 Aug

She’s playing fiddle,

singing to me in the car

Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon”.

 

 

~Edward Austin Robertson