Tag Archives: Bush

Summer Holiday Days 1 and 2

25 May

H.N.I.C.

24 Mar

Shit man you got it!!!!

Shit man you got it!!!!

You would think that I’d feel a little more at ease now that there’s one of us in the White House.

In fact it’s the opposite, I get these paranoid thoughts that I’m gonna get attacked out of retaliation for Barack winning the election.

It’d be like when I used to get persecuted because I was from Texas and Bush used to be the governor, except I could at least pass as a dude from another state, the best I can say to my attackers is “Hey I didn’t vote this year!!! I forgot to get an absentee ballot!!!!”

This is a far cry from the initial elation of having a brutha in the office. Right after he won, I envisioned myself walking down the street and seeing every black person smiling and giving each other high fives and thumbs up for the next eight years. It’d be black history month every day.

White people could finally say “Hey cut me a break, I voted for Barack.” if they were ever accused of racism

(of course how could you not jump on the bandwagon, he was the sexy, pick. It was trendy. Some didn’t want to be accused of racist, some probably pretended to vote his way but went with McCain at the buzzer. But come on it couldn’t have been that hard dude’s rock star–he just ran the best campaign in presidential history–no one would be surprisd at all if he was on the next Kanye album).

Everybody’s a winner right?

can you imagine back in the early 1800’s. A slave master calls one of his workers in to talk with him.

“Now Jasper what’s this I hear about having these visions of a Negro presidnt?”

“Yessss suh, I had a dream last night that a black man lived in the white house and he wasn’t cleaning the beds or fixin’ supper neitha. He was giving speeches and barkin’ out orders.”

(Slave Master laughs) “I didn’t even know you knew there was a president. Black President man you darkies can’t even vote. Next thang you gon’ be tellin me is that you boys is gon haff yo own schools, and businesses, and clothing lines.

Now you may have predicted that my third baby would have a cleft palatte, and you may have predicted that crop freeze last fall, but I’m a haff to put my foot down on this one. You gotta better chance of us puttin a man on tha goddamn moon than to have one of you darkies as President of the United States.”

And the fucked up thing is that they’d both be right.

Serial killers (revisited)

21 Mar

too close to home

too close to home

My ex-girlfriend used to ask me why I was hesitant to have kids with her. I’d answer without any hesitation whatsoever, ” Because two crazy people can’t have kids. I’m one ” Hey Bulldog” listen away from losing my mind and starting my own cult out in Topanga Canyon.

Obviously black people don’t make good serial killers (except that guy from Texas who killed all those defenseless women in Michigan but he just looked off).

We usually get arrested the first time we kill someone. White guys get the benefit of the doubt. It usually takes a disgusting stench from someone’s basement or accidentally stumbling upon bodies in a guy’s trunk before they get busted (It took them forever to catch the Green River Killer, Ted Bundy, Gacy, and Dahmer)

Everyone always acts so surprised ” Oh you know he was a pretty quiet neighbor, kept to himself a lot, but he was quite considerate, he always offered to take out my garbage.” 

You have to have a weird sort of respect for serial killers though. It’s hard work, and it’s not like you can make a living killing people as a full time job (unless you’re George W. Bush or Tom Ridge)

Imagine there are people who hold full time jobs working 8-12 hours a day, then stalk their prey, kill them and methodically dispose of all the evidence. Now that’s hard work.

If I was that dedicated in my own hustle, I’d be a Pulitzer Prize winning author. I’m too lazy. I’ve considered killing people,but after racking my brain I realized just how difficult it is getting away with something like that.

Now I’ve masterminded thefts of massive quantity of candy, and I’ve cheated in high school science to get through my sophomore year. But to think of all the different ways a crime can be linked back to you, it is befuddling to think that some people have gotten away with it once, let alone fifteen plus times. How mentally cool do you have to be? It’s scary enough drinking and driving.

There was this one time in college, when I was having difficulty getting over an ex-girlfriend, that my grief and distress led me to sit and ponder on a small hill (that happened to sit about 75 yards from the front of her apartment). 

I was just sitting there 1:30 in the morning watching for when her new man would step onto her porch to leave. It was freezing cold, the middle of December if I recall correctly, and I just wanted to see a glimpse of the guy who was stoking my ex-old lady’s thighs. I just needed to see what he looked like, just for comparison’s sake.

It was driving me crazy and I couldn’t believe the state of mind I was had created this reality. And then I thought, “I wonder if this was how O. J. felt.” For whatever reason thinking this made me do a quick psychological evaluation of myself. I grabbed my backpack and immediately got to my feet. Then I hurriedly made my way home.