Woke up thinking it was one big joke.
An overreaction of sorts,
by midday it seemed all too real
violently emotional reactions
from all sides
among friends
a midst strangers.
Everyone sporting the same stunned look
the same dazed glare
knowing that everything was changing
but it was impossible to speculate
just how different the world
would be from that day forth.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Mist up
Head down
back to the grind
of the (near) minimum wage
avoiding the salaried gigs
but for how long
will free time satiate
my desires when
there is so much that
still needs to be paid for?
~Edward Austin Robertson
Who is to say you missed out on anything?
You’ve seen her type
Men handcuffed by the nuts without realizing it
SHE doesn’t even know that she is doing it.
At one time you were okay
with the thought of her being
the last one woman you ever slept with
even if she told you she was a post-op job.
Oh you were a fool
and would have continued to have been one
had fate not intervened.
Because how long would the reins held
before you broke free
or been broken?
But who is to say she wasn’t the last?
Everyone and everything since
has been an amalgamation
of tender, heated and awkward moments.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Brick for Concrete
Sidewalk to side street.
Protecting the Chanterelles and Oyster mushrooms
from the heat,
the Sycamore and Ash
create a path along the houses
for the
Deer, bunnies and dancing fireflies
before your eyes.
Not quite north
not quite south
not quite east or west.
Lots of blood spilled
in the middle of where we are standing.
~Edward Austin Robertson
The old man asleep on the couch
reeking of motor oil.
I slept next to her sometimes
intermittently dreaming AM radio,
put to sleep by Mark Holtz
awakened by Paul Harvey.
Noise no longer bothers me
and now I remember why.
~Edward Austin Robertson
I.
The massive “Warriors” chants began before the doors
to the train had opened,
fans in their fresh gear
ready for battle.
He turned to catch a glimpse of
his past life
somewhere out in the Oakland hills,
then turned his gaze
towards the San Francisco cove
where the sun would soon fall
producing yet another Bay area Sunset.
It was as if he’d never left
to become the person he was that day
taking for granted he’d once lived here
All those great escapes and close calls
afterward brought him back,
he wasn’t even close to the same person then
let alone the person he was a year ago.
He reached into his pocket to produce his ticket,
joined the mass throng of basketball fans
and allowed himself to get lost in the crowd.
II.
The yard work put him in quite a meditative state.
There so much to love about the Oregon summers
Tillamook strawberry ice cream and naked bike rides.
Longer days and shorter nights amid daylight’s
illusory effects.
A city boy with an affinity for country life
exhausting his body to clear his mind.
It was a shame he couldn’t share any
of these simple joys with her.
III.
He never thought it was possible to encounter someone
so thoroughly disgusting that he’d wish that he would never
see that person again.
A person of that character he wouldn’t even interact with
it was puzzling that it got that far.
He considered them to be genuine friends
amid the shared intimacies
that were largely ignored and dishonored.
Such a lesson was so painful
that he wished that it weren’t necessary
to meet his shadow incarnate
the embodiment of his animus.
Experiencing such a failure forced him to choose
between either killing himself or becoming a better person.
Sometimes the best way to learn about the man to become
was to encounter the kind of person who not to be.
IV.
Briefly considered how such a period could be documented
–if it should be recorded.
It was like the whole town had conspired to remake a really bad 80’s movie.
Trendy assed poseurs, hipsters and superficial 20 somethings
frolicking about in the appropriate garb.
Eight heightened months
largely full of unpleasant experiences
save the occasional pick up games
and random sporting events,
time well spent with friends
despite the fatigue and regret that resulted from the trip.
He’d over analyzed things so much that he’d become distant
from everything that made him who he was.
There was nothing left to glean from looking back.
No one left to blame (including himself)
His chance at redemption was not as far off as he originally thought.
There was no need to revisit those old files.
No need to ever go back.
V.
The month had been good to him.
Tonight found him stimulated by the naked women and caffeine.
Later when he entered her,
he knew it was time.
The feverish excitement finally brewing inside his veins.
And when he finally came,
there was no grandiose crescendo
no sexy bass lines
no R & B singers
nor African children singing “Boom Ba Yay!”
Only a long chant
slowly building inside his head,
“Rooooooocccckkkkkk. Chaaalllllkkkkk. Jaaaaaayyyyhawk. Keeeeeeeeeeeeyoooooouuuuu”
He was focused.
There was clarity.
There was purpose.
He was ready to go.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Fresh as in the new
Fresh as in the place to be
Fresh as in feeling at home among strangers
Fresh as in new.
Fresh as in being in the moment, bending on the precipice of shock,
expanding one’s consciousness to the point
where frame of reference takes precedence over velocity.
Fresh is so vivid because fresh is so new.
The feeling that only lasts a little while
because its fresh.
~Edward Austin Robertson
So high you were
so long ago
chiseled with character.
Your weeping walls
rich with mineral and strength.
Stern and aged ridges alongside
little space between perfect gravity
You are the mighty
you are the ruler
you will crumple long after I am gone.
Your handsome features
remind me that I’ve been taking myself
too seriously.
~Edward Austin Robertson
We’d made promises that I couldn’t keep
over sandwiches I shouldn’t have been eating.
Lying in bed later
between the naps
and lovemaking,
I was awake
planning my (our)next move.
I was being reckless
and she happened to be an innocent bystander
I didn’t mean to hurt her though
but that’s not a good enough excuse.
I was old enough to know better.
Whoops.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Stood in the rain
grinning like an idiot
like THE idiot
crying in that infamous
video clip.
I wondered if I should run the risk
of missing out by running inside to
grab the camera,
or be truly in the moment.
Five years before
I had no choice
as I had no camera
and had to settle on enjoying
it through the car window
as we crossed the Morrison St. Bridge out of town.
I ran back into the restaurant
reached into my backpack
to grab my camera phone
in an attempt to capture
what appeared to me as a divine sign of sorts,
saying that everything was okay
there was nothing to be afraid of
and that I was exactly where I needed to be.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 