Oklahoma ain’t bad, it’s just……OK

2 Oct
Yep old buddy, if your liver can handle it, it just may be time to relocate.

Yep old buddy, if your liver can handle it, it just may be time to relocate.

“There was a woman but I left her far behind.
I could have loved her if I only had more time.”

This is from the Flying Burrito Brothers’ Colorado.

It hits me hard every time I hear this tune. Its a song about loving where you came from and having to leave, but then looking forward to going back, after you realize you only left to find out just how great home was in the first place.

And the open sound of the pedal steel cutting through the loneliness.

This trip was exactly what I needed. Lots of hiking, biking, fresh air, and a lot of loving.

It was so good to see all my old friends from the west coast, and have a little fun. I realized about halfway through my first week on the road, in San Francisco that I was taking things too seriously when I lived there.

California is much too absurd to be taken seriously, and once you stop taking Californians so seriously, then they become alright. I guess the thing that made this hit home was seeing this beautiful European woman breastfeeding what looked to be a two year old, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STREET!!!!!

It brought up a couple of thoughts, like:

1)Would it be rude to stare? Becuase her breasts were quite nice from what I could see
2) Wasn’t this kid a bit old for breastfeeding?
3) Was this kid really 8 months old, but had grown enormously from the potency of her breast milk?

If this wasn’t enough, seeing a naked man dressing with his window while smoking a cigarrette outside this club in the mission, drove it home even further. “Welcome to California, where there is no such thing as absurd.”

Seriously. We could see the guy’s cock and everything. It was horrifying, especially when he pulled his boxer briefs up and his dick didn’t make it in and kinda bounced up like a diving board (not that I was staring or anything).

Which brings me to another reason why I had to leave the Bay area. Too many homosexuals.
I’m not homophobic by any means, however, as a heterosexual man in a city where half the population is gay, this doesn’t bode well for finding a lady friend.

Think of it like this:

If half the population of men and women is gay, that is 50/100.

So if you’re a heterosexual male this is not in your favor. You’ve already cut out half of the population by just being straight.

So let’s screw it down again by taking out half the population of that percentage of women who are gay which is half of the population of women.

So now you’re down to a meager 25% of a population that could involve some sexy time explosion. But now let’s factor in the percentage of women who have boyfriends, or who do like men but are currently involved with women……..we’ll just assume that half of this population are involved.

Well that leaves a guy with a mere 12.5 percent chance to hook up. I’m no statistician but from the looks of this chart, I’d say these are slim pickings.

Now to be fair, this is only San Francisco, the odds are totally different across the bridge, going into Oakland, or Berkeley….but for the sake of maybe pursuing a career in SF, this doesn’t work.

All that being said, I still managed to have a really good time while I lived in the bay, and my stint there was well worth it. I played lots of pick up basketball, and had some good times on stage and managed to meet a lot of good people, and despite the odds, I still got laid every now and again.

Oregon was a much mellower trip and more my speed. I did a couple of shows with old ED Forman in Portland and Eugene, and finally got to visit an organic farm on Sauvie Island, which totally changed how I looked at the PDX.
I have to say, if you really want to figure out a place, try biking around the city. It was hectic and crazy but its a very biker city friendly, and crossing the bridges can be dangerously spectacular. You could end up falling in the Williamette if you’re not careful.
I could see myself living there for sure, they got the up and coming Blazers, Portland is one of the most eco-friendliest cities I’ve been to outside of Toronto, and there is a pretty good music scene there.

I even managed to get Supplication and Masturbation on the shelves at Reading Frenzy over on SW Oak street. If they can somehow get no-flush urinals installed city wide in all the restrooms then I’ll certainly be on board.

back in Tulsa now among the Sooners fans, hoping for a good game on Saturday. Time to really think about the next step and creating an exit strategy. But one thing is clear, I saw my past and future out on the west coast, and its time to get back out there for a spell.

More on that later

To be continued……………



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