Tag Archives: Ed Forman

He Lives!!!

3 Feb

Oklahoma ain’t bad, it’s just……OK

2 Oct
Yep old buddy, if your liver can handle it, it just may be time to relocate.

Yep old buddy, if your liver can handle it, it just may be time to relocate.

“There was a woman but I left her far behind.
I could have loved her if I only had more time.”

This is from the Flying Burrito Brothers’ Colorado.

It hits me hard every time I hear this tune. Its a song about loving where you came from and having to leave, but then looking forward to going back, after you realize you only left to find out just how great home was in the first place.

And the open sound of the pedal steel cutting through the loneliness.

This trip was exactly what I needed. Lots of hiking, biking, fresh air, and a lot of loving.

It was so good to see all my old friends from the west coast, and have a little fun. I realized about halfway through my first week on the road, in San Francisco that I was taking things too seriously when I lived there.

California is much too absurd to be taken seriously, and once you stop taking Californians so seriously, then they become alright. I guess the thing that made this hit home was seeing this beautiful European woman breastfeeding what looked to be a two year old, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STREET!!!!!

It brought up a couple of thoughts, like:

1)Would it be rude to stare? Becuase her breasts were quite nice from what I could see
2) Wasn’t this kid a bit old for breastfeeding?
3) Was this kid really 8 months old, but had grown enormously from the potency of her breast milk?

If this wasn’t enough, seeing a naked man dressing with his window while smoking a cigarrette outside this club in the mission, drove it home even further. “Welcome to California, where there is no such thing as absurd.”

Seriously. We could see the guy’s cock and everything. It was horrifying, especially when he pulled his boxer briefs up and his dick didn’t make it in and kinda bounced up like a diving board (not that I was staring or anything).

Which brings me to another reason why I had to leave the Bay area. Too many homosexuals.
I’m not homophobic by any means, however, as a heterosexual man in a city where half the population is gay, this doesn’t bode well for finding a lady friend.

Think of it like this:

If half the population of men and women is gay, that is 50/100.

So if you’re a heterosexual male this is not in your favor. You’ve already cut out half of the population by just being straight.

So let’s screw it down again by taking out half the population of that percentage of women who are gay which is half of the population of women.

So now you’re down to a meager 25% of a population that could involve some sexy time explosion. But now let’s factor in the percentage of women who have boyfriends, or who do like men but are currently involved with women……..we’ll just assume that half of this population are involved.

Well that leaves a guy with a mere 12.5 percent chance to hook up. I’m no statistician but from the looks of this chart, I’d say these are slim pickings.

Now to be fair, this is only San Francisco, the odds are totally different across the bridge, going into Oakland, or Berkeley….but for the sake of maybe pursuing a career in SF, this doesn’t work.

All that being said, I still managed to have a really good time while I lived in the bay, and my stint there was well worth it. I played lots of pick up basketball, and had some good times on stage and managed to meet a lot of good people, and despite the odds, I still got laid every now and again.

Oregon was a much mellower trip and more my speed. I did a couple of shows with old ED Forman in Portland and Eugene, and finally got to visit an organic farm on Sauvie Island, which totally changed how I looked at the PDX.
I have to say, if you really want to figure out a place, try biking around the city. It was hectic and crazy but its a very biker city friendly, and crossing the bridges can be dangerously spectacular. You could end up falling in the Williamette if you’re not careful.
I could see myself living there for sure, they got the up and coming Blazers, Portland is one of the most eco-friendliest cities I’ve been to outside of Toronto, and there is a pretty good music scene there.

I even managed to get Supplication and Masturbation on the shelves at Reading Frenzy over on SW Oak street. If they can somehow get no-flush urinals installed city wide in all the restrooms then I’ll certainly be on board.

back in Tulsa now among the Sooners fans, hoping for a good game on Saturday. Time to really think about the next step and creating an exit strategy. But one thing is clear, I saw my past and future out on the west coast, and its time to get back out there for a spell.

More on that later

To be continued……………


Eve of Departure XXX (Some old bulls*&t)

10 Sep

I gotta say I’m pretty excited about m trip out west and then north to Portland.

Things are starting to sort themselves out though. I’ll have some sort of plan by the time I get back from PDX.

I think copies of my next book, “Instant Exchange of Recognition”, will be printed and shipped to me by the middle of next week. Just in time to go visit John Ferlinghetti and hopefully get a consignement deal at his store City Lights Books.

Its been a crazy month and a half and honestly i feel live that ever since I’ve gotten back from Canada, things have been heightened quite a bit. The west coast will be a good mellow pill to chill me out. Ocean, Mountains, fresh air, good friends. It’ll be nice. I’ll even get to visit my old friend Ed Forman.

In some ways this is a small parallel with my first visit to the Northwest, getting over a little heartbreak and needing a fresh scene for a spell. That was four years ago, and to commemorate that visit I’m going to include entries from the old Raving and Drooling column from that time period. I’ll be blogging off and on while I’m out that way, not sure how much of it will be interesting to anyone else, but I’ll mention the noteworthy things until then: Here is some old bullshit!!!!!:

March 28, 2005

So when I got on the plane leaving for Portland two Saturdays ago, my main question was how people in the Northwest would treat a black man from Texas, and how I would enjoy my time there. Here is my breakdown of what I saw there:

Seattle: This is probably the best example of what a city built around a penile colony would be like. There aren’t any women in Seattle. The guy to girl ratio is like 5 to 1. For every one girl i saw at the bar, there wer in my friend Craig’s words, “five guys hoola hooped around that one girl.”

My friend Adam and I played a game called count the black people in the Northwest I got up to 30 while I was in Washington. I stopped counting when I got to Portland because there were lots of blacks. Anyway I noticed that I could easily count more blacks that I had seen than cute girls during my whole stay in Washington…. it was funny

Also it sucks to drive up there. The city is fucking crazy confusing, and you can’y find anywhere to park, everything is so expensive and no matter where we went Metallica or some kind of grunge music was playing. It was like I went back in time to 1993.

Final grade: C What keeps this grade from being an F is that it is laid back, they are pretty consientious about the environment and it is smack dab in the middle of Portland and

Vancouver: A super nice town which I fell in love with instantly. The perfect mix of city and country landscape. The minute you drive into Canada there is an instant calm as you drive 99km/hr down the King George highway.

The city is well put together with an enormous downtown area. it does’t pay to drive around because there are so many one way streets and the public transportation is spectacular. I saw buses running at 1:30 in the morning. something you won’t see in Austin.

I hung out at the University of British Colombia with some kids that I met walking down the street. Everyone was very friendly and wanted to help you, and i had some great conversations with the locals. Sushi up there is super cheap and there are lots of beautiful women from all over up there. The coolest thing though was not feeling like an outsider, a weirdo, people don’t give a fuck up there.I was on the beach (five minutes from the UBC campus) high and the most relaxed I’d ever been in my life, looking at Mercury wobble around in the sky, and it occurred to me that here I was an American in another country and I had felt more welcome, at home, and at peace there than I did back in Texas. I wasn’t prepared to fall in love. In fact i’m going back proabably in June just to get my fill.

Another thing to add, 80% of the men in Vancouver are gay, so do you know my odds of scoring up there are??? Pretty high…..

Portland treated me a little better. It reminded me of a crazier, more liberal, and prettier Austin. There is so much to do up there, record stores, and book stores (Powells is this four story used book store right smack in the middle of town), and lots of cute girls. I wasn’t in Portland half an hour before I stopped playing ” how many black people” and “how many cute girls”. I met a lot of inaresting people there but I honestly didn’t spend much time in the city, electing instead to go hiking Multnomah Falls in Troutdale, driving to Cannon Beach on the coast, and spending St. Patrick’s Day in

Eugene: A parallel universe to here, except not nearly as diverse. U of Oregon is the prettiest campus I have seen yet..well… except UBC which had a direct view of the ocean from campus, so I guess its the second prettiest…. but the people there were cool. Somehow I ended up watching Curb Your enthusiasm, and college basketball at this guy’s house (who let me sleep on his couch) while getting high and listening to Jazz.

He played in a band called The Quick and Easy Boys which he played a demo for me, it was very P-funkish but I loved it….. perhaps it was that good ol Eugene bud I was smoking. NAyway he and I went to this club called the Downtown Lounge and he introduced me to hella girls and some other cool people. I even met some people who knew some people who lived in Denton. It was a good time. We watched this funk band that consisted of a sax, keyboardist who was funky as hell, a bass, guitar, drummer, and a Did-yee–ara-doo player, the higlight was this funky cover of “Last of the Mohicans”. It was awesome. I never felt out of place and everyone was nice. One other cool thing about it was that Thursday night is 80’s night up there and apparently that is where one wants to go if they wanna see some skin.

What probably impressed me the most about Eugene besides the lushness of the scenery, the good herb, the hot chicks, and the nice people was the fact that it was finals week, the day before spring break and it really wasn’t that bumping, yet I had a fantastic fucking time…. imagine if Denton was prettier and not in Conservative ass Texas and you have the University of Oregon. My only problem was there weren’t enough international students but whatever.

Oregon is probably the prettiest state I have ever been to, mountains,Douglas Firs, and Ocean, and cute gals.. It was really hard to come back to Texas. If Texas were my girlfriend then we would be at the “I love you but I need to see other people” of the relationship. I can probably say the same thing about AMerica and Canada, now that my international cherry has been popped, I can’t wait to see other places besides the U.S. The only problem is that I lost my birth certificate on the way back from Portland so………. I obviously have some things to work on before I plan that trip to Vancouver.

ALl in all, a great and eye opening experience. I had such a fabulous time and I didn’t even get laid. That shows you how highly I think of Oregon/Vancouver (fuck Washington)… but yeah super chill in the northwest wouldn’t be surprised if I setteld there within the next five years.

(pretty prophetic huh?)


All Star Break

24 Jul

Yessir Mr. Twain, it's only the beginning. Thanks for all the good advice.

Yessir Mr. Twain, it's only the beginning. Thanks for all the good advice.

Well we’ve come to midway point of 2009 and I’m not ashamed to say that this is unequivocably the best year of my life.

Achieved a couple of milestones this year.

First of all I turned thirty which is a big deal in any culture, but for a black man, an even bigger deal.

In my culture, I’m considered long in tooth. it’s almost like measuring in dog years. You hear about so many of us being dead, or in jail by this time. Even celebrity doesn’t make you immune, look at Hendrix, or Tupac, and Biggie, or even Reggie Lewis, or Lenny Bias all dead before the age of thirty.

So for that fact alone I’m very thankful and proud.

Secondly I finally got my first book published. I’ve got another ready to be published, we’re just going through the edits and formatting stage before it gets sent through the print machines. “Instant Exchange of Recognition” will be ready by September.

I finished my undergrad finally, and can move on to other projects. I can even work a real job should I choose, however I got a great job I love which has changed my life as well.

The trip to Toronto was life changing as well, meeting new people who have had a tremendous effect on my life and perspective.

So the second half of the year looks like this:

A west coast trip that will result in a couple of consignment deals at City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco, and Powell’s in Portland.
As well as another appearance on the Ed Forman Show, something fun to look forward to.

I’ve got another poetry reading to do in Wichita at the Blank Page Gallery, and another appearance on The James Gate Show.

Finally I’ll be visiting Lawrence again to see a Jayhawks game at Allen Fieldhouse, and hopefully get a book into their public library.

Somehow I’d like to sneak in some studio time to work on my comedy album and/or begin working on an audio version of Supplication and Masturbation.

A great beginning to what will be a great ten year run in the life of Bobby Mickey. I’m right on the cusp of that 20 year apex.

“Good times are coming, I hear it everywhere I go.” ~Neil Young~


14 Jun

That's 1 (800) FREE-GRO!!!!!! Call NOW!!!!

That's 1 (800) FREE-GRO!!!!!! Call NOW!!!!

In certain social circles, I’m a very square dude.

One day my little brother(the one who peed in the Mark Twain river not the one who tried to grab his own turd with a paper towel) was looking through my cd collection.

Back then there was mostly jazz and a few Radiohead discs, probably some Marvin Gaye.

He looks at me and says Man ain’t you got some black music? Of course to me, it doesn’t get more militant, more urban, or ethnic, more pro-black than jazz music. But how could I possibly explain this to my Lil Flip listening, American Pimp watching little bro.

But it was around this time I realized what side of the divide I was on in other people’s eyes. I just wasn’t black enough, even though I know more about African American culture and history than the average cat around (minus hip hop fads and trends I’m talking people, events), I was labeled as someone who was an Oreo, a white man in a black mans body, a “blippy”.

which of course begs the question how is a black man supposed to behave? and according to who’s and what definition did it mean to be black?

I’ve seen Chappelle’s skit on “I know Black People” and yes it is true for a certain amount of us. Yet where do people like me fit in?

Hi I’m Bobby Mickey, Cosmic Comic. You may have seen me in such projects as The Ed Forman Show Starring ME Ed Forman!!!!, Black Guy Funny Phone Sex, and in the role of six year old defendant on television’s Night Court.

I’m here to talk to you about joining the NBEC. Now some of you are wondering what the NBEC is and how to join? Well is your skin as dark as mine? Do you have more than 10 white friends and less than five black friends? Well if so, then you’re eligible to join the Not Black Enough Coalition.

Before I formed the NBEC, I used to have to hide my U2 and Tears for Fears albums when my black friends came over to hang out. But now I have plenty of black companions to accompany me in evenings of playing chess, taking acid and listening to Grateful Dead.

Some of you are out there saying, but Bobby Mickey, I’m not black. Well that’s okay. Because the NBEC isn’t just for black men, but it’s also for white women who like to SLEEP with black men. So act now and we’ll throw in a complementary glass bong with a copy of De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising.

Call now at 1(800) FREE-GRO

and ask for Bobby.

And please remember, it’s not selling out, it’s buying in.

So the next time your relatives say, “Man college really changed you, hanging out with those white folks got you listening to weird music and eating rabbit food.”

Call us and you won’t have to feel guilty about saying” Hey if living healthy,listening to good music, and not spending my money on rims and stereo equipment makes me white, then call me a cracker.

You can call me a honky, just don’t CALL me when you need money for a triple bypass, cuz I’m not trying to hear it. Now get out of my office………………… You NIGGER!!!!!!!!”

Sit down/Stand up

3 Jun

So its going to be a busy summer. Flying into Toronto for the NXNE Festival, then going to Ithaca to tool around, then down to Brooklyn, New York where many of the legendary jazzers from my alma mater are gigging, then down to Elmer New Jersey where I’ll be teaching a comedic writing workshop, one day and then putting on a private show for staff the next night.

Before I leave I need to get all my material together so the printing of “Instant Exchange” can go off without any hitches.

it’s a big deal this summer.

I feel like this book will add more legitimacy towards my resume as a writer. It will be less sex, more humor than S & M. and will be twice as thick (no pun intended).

I’m quite proud of S & M and its my first and I love it for that, however I’d already moved past it by the time it was printed. Balls deep into my next projects.

A lot of people get scared by the title of S & M because Masturbation is in the title, and because there is so much explicit language. But its honest there is no sugar coating and if anything its guilty of being too real.

Some people think I’m jut bragging about all my exploits in the book, or that its “porn”.
These are people who miss the whole point. I made choices and those choices had repercussions.
I was simply conveying how a young awkward kid became an awkward adult. Once you add that up with the mysteries of women and sexuality, then you get a lot of confusion.

By the end of the book, one should figure out that yeah I had a lot of sex and one nighters, but eventually the narrator realizes how empty those encounters can be (most of them) without intimacy or love, or even like.

But that’s all on S& M, as for “instant..” well it’ll be more mature and well rounded and I know that it will be something I can be really proud of no matter who likes it or not.

that is what this east coast trip is in a way, part graduation present, part business trip, and partly sight seeing…….

as it is the Jersey gig at Appel Farms will more likely than not be my last stand up gig of the year, and for a while.

My focus is much more on the literary scene and with so many projects going, I’m finally ready to give the stage an official break.

I’l still do sketch shows with various artists like ED Forman and James Gates, however I’m tired of my material, tired of the bars and the hustle for a grind that has such a long road before you hit the real upside.

I love performing and writing for shows, and writing jokes, but stand up is a brutal thing. Most of my friends who are going places are performing every night in addition to working day jobs, some like my friend Sharon Lacey, are on the road almost 25-30 days of the month. I’m just not that tough, I’d rather be in the studio recording than touring.

As much as I like traveling, I much rather prefer stability and a paycheck that will come independent of crowd attendance.
I could see myself doing the Rodney Dangerfield thing and coming back full force in my fifties.
I’ll do comedy until the day I die, but for now there are other roads to hoe, other places to go.
Stand up has definitely gotten me to where I am, but its time for a break.

Give myself a little time to write new material and hone stuff other than dick jokes ya know?

I applaud the hustle of cats like Aaron Ross, Sharon Lacey, Mary Van Note, Greg Edwards, Julian Vance, Sean Keane, Brent Weinbach, Caitlin Gill and Chris Garcia……out there getting theirs….

I appreciate and understand just how hard it is to do what they do, I definitely want to get where they are at and where they will be, I just gotta do it the Bobby Mickey way, knnaaamean? Vern?