Tag Archives: Greg Edwards

The Cult of Black Phillip

26 Jan

It’s been almost 4 years since Patrice O’Neal’s death in 2011.

I met him twice at the Punchline in San Francisco, when I was a (mostly) open mic comedian. The first time I saw him perform, I was so blown away at the realness of his set, that I could not have a coherent conversation with the guy. The deadpan expression he had his face indicated that I was sounding like a fanboy, as I found it hard to express how important it was to hear him say the very things I’d only begun recently to think.

My homie Greg Edwards got me on the guest list a couple of years later, when he opened up for Patrice, and I was shocked when he remembered me and started a conversation (maybe it helped that I had a cute woman with me–a platonic friend but he didn’t know that).

He fucked the whole room up, and I knew he was killing it because my girl was crying she was laughing so hard. All those dark and sinister thoughts you’ve ever considered were brought to light by Patrice’s stand-up. He was the truth because he spoke the truth. There was this clever and twisted insight to his jokes–which really just seemed like commentary. Whether you like him or not, the fact was that if you watched the man work, you were never the same afterwards. The man understood human nature like no other comic I’d encountered.

About a year and a half ago, I was looking up some of his shit on Youtube and I randomly ran into some of his podcast archives online. There are only 15 episodes (at most) of this show he ran with Dante Nero called, “The Black Phillip Show.”

It was a relationship advice show that went way beyond anything you could imagine. Feminists would probably regard the show as some misogynistic “Dear Abby” shit, but it was more like some Dr. Phil (hence the name of the show).
Every show, there would be at least one female guest on, and Patrice would just eviscerate these women with his passionate logic.

It’s worth checking out for sure

He’ll really fuck you up with his logic. For example, Patrice has this special ratings scale for women that I attempted my senior year in high school. Now I thought back then (1997) that I was doing some revolutionary shit by creating a chart that graded on a 10 point spectrum. the categories were (don’t laugh) LEGS (3 points) , T & A (4 points), and face(3 points).

Stupid system right? It definitely wasn’t clever by any means, and certainly not worth the crap I took when girls at my school found out they were on a list (kinda like when I made a top 25 in junior high).

Well Mr. O’Neal’s system is slightly more sophisticated than that without the mini categories.

His scale is 1-30. 1-10 is for ugly chicks with 1 being the ugliest ugly chick, and 10 being the hottest an ugly chick can be.

An 11-20 rating was reserved for average to averagely good looking women, or as he calls them “alright looking bitches.” An alright looking alright bitch” is 11, a “fine ass alright bitch” would get a 20.

21-30 is the highest raking group reserved for “fine ass bitches.” An ugly ass fine bitch gets relegated to a score of 21, while a 30 is given to what men usually call dime pieces.

The whole point of his scale it to lend perspective on what we observe as a woman’s beauty. A 1-10 scale is highly restrictive. With only 10 points to give a grade, a lot of women get lumped into a really high or really low grade because of the need to jam them into a rating.

There are not as many perfect looking women (by conventional standards) out there as people would like to believe. The same can be said of the least aesthetically pleasing women out there in the world. Most women fall in between and that area of gray is a lot larger than a 1-10 scale can provide.

Hearing Patrice explain this during one of his stand-up shows, revealed the errors in my thinking about the opposite sex. It made me think of every girl I’d been physical with, and made me adjust how I thought about (handled) them. Say what you will about the guy, he will make you think.

He was honest, he was brave, and he was really fucking funny. The comedy world needs more comics like Patrice O’Neal; people who are capable of making an audience laugh and think. A lot of comics get on the mic and simply jerk off, wasting everyone’s time in the process because they lack a point of view.

But not Patrice; he didn’t have a whole of time in the mainstream spotlight, but he made use of every minute. I still go back from time to time and pull up his podcasts on Youtube–just to have something different to listen to when I fall asleep. The guy just had a firm handle on what it meant to be human, and he wasn’t afraid to talk about it. He was that dude.


Sit down/Stand up

3 Jun

So its going to be a busy summer. Flying into Toronto for the NXNE Festival, then going to Ithaca to tool around, then down to Brooklyn, New York where many of the legendary jazzers from my alma mater are gigging, then down to Elmer New Jersey where I’ll be teaching a comedic writing workshop, one day and then putting on a private show for staff the next night.

Before I leave I need to get all my material together so the printing of “Instant Exchange” can go off without any hitches.

it’s a big deal this summer.

I feel like this book will add more legitimacy towards my resume as a writer. It will be less sex, more humor than S & M. and will be twice as thick (no pun intended).

I’m quite proud of S & M and its my first and I love it for that, however I’d already moved past it by the time it was printed. Balls deep into my next projects.

A lot of people get scared by the title of S & M because Masturbation is in the title, and because there is so much explicit language. But its honest there is no sugar coating and if anything its guilty of being too real.

Some people think I’m jut bragging about all my exploits in the book, or that its “porn”.
These are people who miss the whole point. I made choices and those choices had repercussions.
I was simply conveying how a young awkward kid became an awkward adult. Once you add that up with the mysteries of women and sexuality, then you get a lot of confusion.

By the end of the book, one should figure out that yeah I had a lot of sex and one nighters, but eventually the narrator realizes how empty those encounters can be (most of them) without intimacy or love, or even like.

But that’s all on S& M, as for “instant..” well it’ll be more mature and well rounded and I know that it will be something I can be really proud of no matter who likes it or not.

that is what this east coast trip is in a way, part graduation present, part business trip, and partly sight seeing…….

as it is the Jersey gig at Appel Farms will more likely than not be my last stand up gig of the year, and for a while.

My focus is much more on the literary scene and with so many projects going, I’m finally ready to give the stage an official break.

I’l still do sketch shows with various artists like ED Forman and James Gates, however I’m tired of my material, tired of the bars and the hustle for a grind that has such a long road before you hit the real upside.

I love performing and writing for shows, and writing jokes, but stand up is a brutal thing. Most of my friends who are going places are performing every night in addition to working day jobs, some like my friend Sharon Lacey, are on the road almost 25-30 days of the month. I’m just not that tough, I’d rather be in the studio recording than touring.

As much as I like traveling, I much rather prefer stability and a paycheck that will come independent of crowd attendance.
I could see myself doing the Rodney Dangerfield thing and coming back full force in my fifties.
I’ll do comedy until the day I die, but for now there are other roads to hoe, other places to go.
Stand up has definitely gotten me to where I am, but its time for a break.

Give myself a little time to write new material and hone stuff other than dick jokes ya know?

I applaud the hustle of cats like Aaron Ross, Sharon Lacey, Mary Van Note, Greg Edwards, Julian Vance, Sean Keane, Brent Weinbach, Caitlin Gill and Chris Garcia……out there getting theirs….

I appreciate and understand just how hard it is to do what they do, I definitely want to get where they are at and where they will be, I just gotta do it the Bobby Mickey way, knnaaamean? Vern?