This is the time when they kill horses

8 Apr

The construction of destruction

Was walking by a truck
with a bumper sticker
that read” Freedom has a
taste that the protected
will never know.”

Seemed profound.
Until I looked at the driver
and saw that
he couldn’t have been
any older than 50.

Which made me wonder
about the last time
we truly fought for freedom.

Anyone who’s ever
played
Risk
or Axis & Allies
understands the
difficulty
in capturing a
strategic foothold
in this country
of ours.

The only possible
invasion from Mexico
is through the restaurant
kitchens and construction yards
along our borders,
armed with their culinary skills
and mechanical inclination.

From everything
I’d read about Nam
it wasn’t our fight
to begin with.

Often referred to
as unfortunate
and unnecessary.

WWII is arguably
the last real fight
for freedom
involving this great
country,
more about
seizing the role
of superpower
than saving Jews
from the sadistic
Nazi party krauts.

As much as an afterthought
as Lincoln freeing
the slaves?

Imagine the horror
of opening the
daily papers and
seeing the blitzkrieg
gain momentum
capturing Europe
one city at a time.

I was at home
with flu,
lying in bed
during the first
Gulf War Invasion.

I was 12 years old
and my 103 degree
fever
left me wondering
if I’d suffered brain damage.

Surely what
I was watching
on TV wasn’t
real.

I’d had no concept
of real violence
or war and started crying
thinking the
end was near.

That WWIII
was underway
while Peter Jennings
read the names
of the American Allies
off the teleprompter.

The world
was involved
but it wasn’t
in fact
a world war.

It wasn’t
the terror
of seeing missle silos
go up an open
in the 1960’s
in territories
like New Mexico,
Nevada,
west
and north
Texas.

Watching
those
snakey lights
shoot
into
all those
buildings.

Splashes
of fireworks
and volcanic
sparks of energy,

as the reporters
talked of things
that I couldn’t
quite grasp.

It all seems
like
some sick feverish
dream that
never completely
ended.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

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Goodbye Megan

26 Mar

we all miss your radiance and that beautiful smile and laugh of yours.

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blast From the Past

12 Mar

“Man-o-war” for the hard core Radiohead fans.

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So I met this gal (For Adrian)

20 Feb

And of course we hit
it off.
She was a red headed
secretary at the office
I worked.
We started dating
even though we couldn’t see ourselves
getting married to each other.
Nine months later
we broke up.
All I got out
of it was
a bunch of lousy poems
and a little bit of sexual experience.

So I met this gal
at a bar near campus.
She bought me drinks
all night and followed
me home.
We fucked for a
while
and though she left her earrings
I never saw her again.
All I got out of
the deal were a
couple of lousy
poems
and some naked
photographs.

So I met this gal
through a friend
of a friend.
Tall
gorgeous and
superficial.
I didn’t fuck her
because I thought
there’d be other
chances.
There weren’t
and all I got
out of it
were a couple of lousy
poems
and memories
for the spank
bank.

So I met
this gal
while
on tour doing
comedy.
She was married
but very very
kinky.
We had a two week
fling
that ended badly.
All I got
out of it
were a few lousy
poems
and a yeast
infection.

So I met this gal
while visiting
Canada
and we decided
to stay in touch
and fall in love.
She broke things
off two weeks
before my next visit
and all I got out of the deal
was an open ticket
going anywhere
in the world
but Toronto
and a few more lousy poems.

Finally I decided
I didn’t want to meet
any more gals.
I’d had enough lousy
experiences
and
poems
to fill 3 books.
So it seemed logical
to just leave
the girls alone
and work
on the lousy poems.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

Inside Man

12 Feb

No I am not insinuating that B- Real is gay (not that there's anythig wrong with that).

If men out there want to be the type of people who take a sexual experience with a woman for granted, perhaps they should think about this:

A woman is letting you put your dick inside her body!!!!! If you’re a guy and you wanna know why it’s such a big deal to let you “up in the them guts”…if you wanna know why women are so particular about who they sleep with, keep that in mind.

I am a very loving man and love all my guy friends immensely, but none of them I love enough to let them slip their dick inside me. So imagine how much a girl must REALLY have to trust you to do something like that.

Shit I’ve had an enema before… Wasn’t much fun….and that tube was only about as wide as my pinky……and it hurt tremendously….so I can’t even imagine……which is another reason I couldn’t be gay…..but
it does make me wonder (non-sequiter alert!!!!!)
when will the first openly gay rapper emerge????

You figure they’d see a great deal of resistance from the industry concerning such issues…..there’d be no Cypress Hill if B-Real were an openly gay emcee it just wouldn’t be sound right would it????

“I gotta dick in my mouth a fucking dick in my mouth,”

[Sen Dog -“In MY MOOOOUTH!!!]
”
a dick in my mouth, a dick in my mouth”

“I gotta dick in my mouth in my muthafucking mouth”

I think you get the picture…..though you never know..black president, Omar from “The Wire”…..maybe America IS ready for Monster Pooh from the Gayside Gangsters

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Food Stamps

7 Feb

Food Stamps

There was a woman who
worked at the DHS office.

She struck me as a prettier
version
of a gal I’d
had a fling with
in Toronto.

Just talking to her
put me
in an uncomfortably
shy disposition.

She shared the receptionist
duties
with five other
employees

and I was afraid
that my
obvious attraction
would be apparent
to everyone else.

She was the kind
of woman
that you’d have to
stop on the streets
and tell her
how pretty she
was even
though she’s
probably heard
it a million
times since
the day she
was born.

And really
that was all I
wanted,
was to just tell
her that and get
it out of my
system.

I didn’t
want anything to
come of it.

In fact there
was a chance
I’d be moving
north to
Portland in
less than a month.

Besides there was
a reason I was in that
office,
to get food stamps.

What could
I really say to her
besides that?

“Baby girl
let’s say you and me
take my EBT card
and go back to
my place

I’ll make us some
lobster and salad
and we can fall asleep
on the couch
watching French films
on Netflix.”

Nothing says
sexy like
abusing
the very system
that employs her.

Now THAT’s
being a rebel.

As it was,
something would have
to give.

I was running out
of reasons
to come bother
her
with questions.

Soon I’d have a
job–
I needed one badly–

and unfortunately

that took
precedence
over
everything else.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

more rejected T-shirt ideas

6 Feb

I thought up my new brand of T-shirts…..space agey and shit…..

You-niverse.. on the astrology tip……..

no one wanted to invest……consensus is that they’re too corny:

Capricorns Can’t be cornered (photo of brain with a padlock next to it)

Aquarius are always a-going

Cancers tend to be clingy (photo of a crab hanging on to someone’s ear by one claw)

Libras make better lovers (or listeners if it’s a kid’s shirt)
of course my personal fave is the Texas state outline which says Austin: hang out with your twang out…

I’m only kidding about some of these….I’ll probably make the Texas one if only for myself to wear……..

unless of course I start making T-shirts about my favorite cities.

They’d say “Portland hearts Bobby Mickey”

I could make one about Austin, Toronto, Wichita, Eugene, and OKC probably…..but then on the back I could have a photo of my favorite women and me pasted on the front…..with the font on the back…hmmmmm talk about self serving and gratifying…no one would buy those…and it’d be even douchier to wear those Tee’s.

It’d be the equivalent of seeing a professional basketball player out on the streets wearing his own jersey and some jeans.

You’d almost have to respect that kind of level of conceit.
Because you know you’ve encountered someone who TRULY doesn’t give a damn about what people think of them.

I guess I’d have to conversely make Tee’s that said Dallas hates Bobby Mickey, Houston really hates Bobby Mickey, Los Angeles couldn’t give a fuck about Bobby Mickey…..now that my friends would be HONEST.

Oregon Trails

5 Feb

Not missing the limelight…barely miss the sunlight…..though I’m sleeping more than I should be…..tough getting up when its raining and cold
and so warm underneath my blanket.

Different scene up here. Its tough…you know its bad when white people are on food stamps….(though its nothing but white people up here, I’m one of 13 black people in Oregon, the other 12 play for the Portland Trailblazers)

the crazy thing is that I think I should’ve been on food stamps as early as 2006….I never knew it was that easy to get on them.

Maybe I should’ve applied for economic hardship on my student loan as well. It amazes me how little I understand about finances. Perhaps I should marry an accountant like my buddy T did.

But I see why God made the weed so good up here. It helps combat the doldrums one can easily get from living in the northwest. Cold, rainy, but beautiful (gorgeous when its sunny), and the weed helps point that out (living in Seattle must be like living on Venus–all that rain).

Something unusual about Oregon is that you can’t pump your own gas. They pay gas attendants to do that. Supposedly its to help stimulate jobs here……however if you go to the grocery store you’ll see U-scan machines to scan your own groceries….. how does this make sense…..those machines take away people’s jobs, just like in Vonnegut’s Player Piano. The worst part about it is you have one employee doing the work of four people because that employee is essentially running four registers at once, since they are the ones who have to provide assistance when the inevitable foul-up occurs.

Other than that everything is good here. Just sent in the artwork for the next book, “Toss offs and Throwaways” and working on my fourth book, which will be a juggernaut with at least 60-85 poems in it. All I need is a job. Keep your fingers crossed.

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BMick’s last stand

22 Jan

That’s it. I’m done.

Finished with stand up for the decade.

No more dick jokes to drunks in bars and grills, no more depressing ass open mics.

I’ve got better ways to spend my time.

If I ever miss it, I’ll just remind myself why I started in the first place. To cure my social anxiety hangups…so now I can look forward to eight hour sets in the field of education.

I walked in and walked out and I’m better for it…but let’s face it, I was always a writer moonlighting as a comic; not the other way around.

Haiti

16 Jan

I find it funny that everyone is so concerned about Haiti now that its in the news for the devestating earthquake(7.0).

Everyone is freaking out, some more genuinely concerned than others, and much like the Tsunami fiasco a few years ago, there are people out there outchic–ing each other to donate more than the other person.

“Oh those poor Haitians”

it’s not like they were living in the lap of luxury before the earthquake. they have always had some serious problems that needed addressing…just read the “The Farming of Bones by Edwidge Danticat”

or listen to Haiti by the Arcade Fire…….

I find it awesome that the Red Cross could raise 35 million in 3 days for such a noble cause…hopefully it’ll raise awareness about the country in general…..

however how come we can’t come up with the dough to support local and neighborhood causes here in the U.S? We don’t have that kind of money to support programs that will benefit this country?

Landfill clean ups, alternative energy projects or non-profit organizations?????

The agency I was previously employed at in Oklahoma just had to cut a couple of projects because of under-funding.

Now North tulsa boys (and area where the youth are mostly at risk for gangs, violence and crime) have to suffer when we couldn’t pony up the funds to help them out, and also help our communities– because those young men may not get the mentoring that keep them from falling in the cracks….how about making donations to causes that most directly affect us….

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t help other countries in dire times of need (within reason) but I am saying that before people go all Bradgelina on people and start adopting kids from overseas….take a look at what’s immediately around us and try to help there…..if not from our pocketbooks, then maybe just volunteering some time…..

When are we Americans going to start taking care of our own?????

BMICK

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