Nuclear Polio Vaccination

Snow in the bong
Cool icy air hitting the lungs
softens the hit
mellows the mind
A skiing sensation
a freeing sensation.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

Everyone was beautiful because everyone felt happy.
“Happy Snow Day” was his greeting to all trudging by–
the college kids screaming, squealing and howling their “woo hoo’s!”
drunk, or on their way to getting there.
He wasn’t a fan of the cold
but the winters in Kansas gave him a sense of time and place;
creating evocative images to vividly recall years later.
The safety net of the quiet neighborhood
draped in unmolested snowfall,
walking down the empty street while a man shoveled his driveway.
A decision to step out of that comfortable chaos
into the unknown
reminded him that happiness was a decision.
It was as if God had deemed that today
would be a perfect day
and he wouldn’t have to try one bit to make it work.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

I became aware of the psychic shift
when I realized that it was she
who’d requested that the DJ
play “Poison” on the dance floor
(Never trust a big butt and a smile).

My fate was sealed when that big sexy ass
started grinding into my crotch.
If you have ever been in place
where you were so overwhelmingly attracted
to a person you found so spiritually repulsive
then you know what it means to
“Lose your Religion” for someone.

No state of denial is more powerful
than trying to convince yourself that the person
you lust for is “ a good person deep down inside.”
They have to be because how shallow
would that make me to pursue these depths
just for a little bit of evil goodness?

There has to be some justification,
a way to rationalize
how you manage to cross that line without even knowing
that you compromised your integrity.

I was done for.
I knew it.
She knew it too.
I was her sucker
and I was going to do whatever it took
to continue to put my penis inside her
and there was absolutely no way
I was going to be the one to break things off.

She was going to be the ruin of me
and there was nothing I could do about it.
Any mild advantage I
thought I possessed
I’d relinquished
once I started giving a fuck about her.
I was in love with this filthy whore
and she was about to drag me
down–
even further than I already was.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

I.

Staring out at the traffic from balcony
with a high sense of uneasiness
that didn’t belong
(why did I feel like Bud Fox?).

I had escaped Oklahoma
and was back home.
It was my birthday.
By all accounts I should have been happy.

I had a good job
nice place to live,
all my friends and loved ones were downstairs
having a good time.

Yet there was this nagging desire to
slip a ring on my finger
slip off somewhere and vanish.

The woman I was interested in
had no idea that she was a dirty little secret
to someone else at the party
with whom I shared a dirty little secret.

Who had I become?
How the fuck did I get here?
This was not what I had in mind for myself
at 34.

II.

It didn’t take very long did it?

The gap between there and here
never seemed more apparent than
today
when it hit me where I was.

Every choice I had made
since that day
when the snowy hill whispered yes
had been correct.

No use in questioning anymore
it was clear I knew best.

If there was somewhere else I was supposed to be
I couldn’t see it.
Had there ever been a time I’d been happier
I couldn’t recall it.

I liked myself so much more today.
I couldn’t run far enough away from that person I was then.
I couldn’t run fast enough to the person I am now.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

The first time I was too young
to know what hit me.

The second time around
I knew I wasn’t in a position
to do anything with it.

When it came around again
I recognized it immediately
and didn’t waste time
asking questions.

I had no intention of waiting
for a next time.

~Edward Austin robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

For so long he’d wondered what it felt like
to be good without even trying–
like the friends he’d had over the years
who were effortlessly good people.
For him it was hard work trying to do the right thing
and when he did
it was not always for the right reasons.

There were days when everything he touched turned to shit
and days where the goodness ran right through him.
It stopped being a struggle when
he connected his actions to consistent results,
circumstances no longer dictated his attitude.
Repetition made being kind become second nature.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

When she said it was the best birthday ever
he knew she was either lying or a masochist.
Nothing can make a man feel lower
than making his girlfriend cry on her birthday
even if he was dead on
about her behavior.

Things wouldn’t have gotten to this point
had she come home or given him a call
and perhaps he could have communicated better
verbally
but her actions indicated where her head was.

He should have seen the writing on the wall
that day
and should not have been a surprise
to him when he was finally fed up
and started sneaking around with other women.

A couple can’t come that close to breaking up
(on one’s birthday no less)
and expect things to magically fix themselves–
especially with someone who walks out the door
at the first sign of conflict or difficulty.

They managed to salvage the day
dressed themselves up
went to a fancy dinner
had drinks with a friend
had some smoke
and some sex.
He went to every extreme to bring her joy
after such an intense morning–
the image of her crying playing
in the back of his head the whole evening.

He was thankful that she was
seeing someone now who was more gentle
with her.

He handled her a bit rougher than he intended–
something he still felt bad about to this day.

He could still hear her whispering those words in his ear
before they passed out on his floor
“Best Birthday Ever.”

God he hoped she was lying.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

Electricity through my veins
and out through my cramping fingertips.
Sweat dripping onto its neck.

C Am Em G

D7 A7 Em G

I was lost in his drums
ego unleashed within me
sweaty palms be damned
Something unlocked inside me
and I finally understood.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

Then you say, “Nice Meeting you.”
Sometimes you say, “Let’s get together sometime.”
and that can lead to “I would like to see you again.”
This may lead to an “I like you.”
which can then become “I really like you.”
then its “I really really like you.”
which can eventually lead to “I really really really like you.”
And sometimes even an “I love you” may burst forth from your lips.
And even “I love you’s” can become “I hate you’s” or “I hope to never see you again.”
or it could easily grow into an “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
which can still lead to “I hate you’s” or “I hope to never see you again.”
No matter the result,
it always begins with a “hello.”

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson

Life is static.
Nothing what it seems.
Anything taken at face value
is illusion.

We look
but then we see.
We say
but then we speak.
We hear
but then we listen.
The less we know
the more we find out.

Growth arises out of discomfort
experience segues into knowledge.
Unexpected packages
appear
and often the biggest form of
surprise
happens when we surprise ourselves.

~Edward Austin Robertson

Tags: Edward Austin Robertson