This isn’t even fair, or: “There is Franklin’s and there is everybody else.”

19 Aug

“Welcome Home!”

That was the phrase uttered the most upon my return to Austin. I didn’t grow up here, but it is the only place I have ever felt truly at home. So why do I keep leaving? I have no idea. Maybe its the endless array of people I meet who came here like I did, looking for a place to feel like they can be themselves.

Just this week alone, I’ve met so many people who have only recently moved here from other places. 98% occupancy rate. I’m pretty lucky to have found the situation I’m in. East Austin, near the highway, hipsters, dive bars, and food carts. I’m a 10 minute board ride from downtown, and sixth street. The buses run right in front of my house, I can walk 30 seconds to grab a slice of pizza from Eastside Pies, located right behind my place.

There was one place in particular I just had to check out, and I had to do it before I began working at my new job.
This place was Franklin’s Barbecue. Now I’d heard of this place when it was just a trailer on one of those cooking shows on the Food Network.

About a month ago, this waitress at my favorite Tulsa pub was looking in a magazine at a picture of a slab of ribs.
The caption read Franklin BBQ, Austin, Texas. The article claimed that this was the best barbecue in America (which meant the world right?).

This piqued my interest. I started sending mass texts to all my folks in Austin. “Have you been to this place called Franklin’s?”

All responses either were, “Yes and the food was amazing.”, or “No. The line is always too long for me to go in there. But I heard the ribs are unreal.”

When I came to town for my interview/trainings I didn’t have the time to even go by this place on East 11th street. But I asked around and every story pushed the restaurant’s reputation to near mythic proportions. This was starting to become a quest.

I HAD TO KNOW!!!!

I hadn’t heard this much hype about anything since Lebron James came out high school. Apparently this Franklin cat was the “Chosen One.” What if this was the holy grail of BBQ joints?

These stories of long lines and hour and half waits wasn’t hyperbole. A woman told me she woke up early on a Saturday and arrived at Franklin’s at 9:30 AM. She said that someone came out of the building, walked up to people in line and said, “This is where the line stops. We’ll be sold out after this person.”

I knew I’d need a good strategy. Going on a weekend would be an insane move. My best bet was to come in on a weekday when people would be at work. I decided to scout it out.

Tuesday morning I took a walk down there just to see how long it took from my doorstep to the line (Approximately eight minutes). I got there about 11:15 just to see what it would look like. The line I saw reminded me of Six Flags Over Texas, waiting in the line for the Shockwave and Texas Giant.

When the Giant opened up, the lines were legendary. People would wait in line 2 hours to take a 3 minute roller coaster ride. People would be walking away from the ride and we’d stop them as we passed, asking them what it was like. Their facial expressions usually ranged from adrenaline induced mania, astonishment, or pure fright. But no one ever said that it was alright.

Judging from this length of this line, and the sheer number of people willing to wait in it, it was clear that the experience had to elicit a strong enough reaction that justified all this hoopla.

I took notes and decided to come in at 10 AM the next day and just cop a squat, bring a book, and buy an iced coffee.
I was determined to find out what the hype was all about.

Going to Franklin’s isn’t your typical dining experience. It’s more like an event. I almost expected to see dudes playing catch football in the parking lot while the line amassed more hungry patrons. Down home music was playing over the PA speakers. Fans were running along the rails, blowing mist onto those waiting near the building, as the Honky Tonk blared out into the sun.

Many people brought their folding chairs and books to read, camping out. This had all the fervor of a Radiohead Pre-sale. Everyone was here to get a taste.

Of the folks I’d talked to in line, few had actually eaten here. Those at the front of the line had come as early as 9:00 AM.

I looked around. Mr. Franklin’s culinary prowess was doing what few thought could happen. He was the great connector, his special Expresso BBQ sauce had congealed into a glue, holding all us Hipsters, Geeksters, Negroes, Caucasians, Mexicans, Arabs, Asians, yuppies,intellectuals, liberals, and rednecks together– all breaking bread under one wooden roof (Was it possible that he knew the cultural significance of his idea when he first began slinging “Cue” out of his trailer years ago?).

At 11:00 they opened up and the line began moving. Someone had already been out taking orders on a notepad (as well as selling drinks from an ice bucket) so there was a semblance of organization in this afternoon ritual. Once inside, I took stock of the layout of the restaurant.

It was unpretentious, and simple. Old school beverage signs on the wooden walls. No frills. It looked like a throwback to 1970’s Austin before the secret was out about the town.

On the walls were framed magazine cut outs of the many write ups about Franklin’s.

From Bon Apetit, to The New Yorker, to Texas Monthly, every article alluded to the same thing, that this place was the shit. I was about 15 minutes from finding out myself. The clock read 11:18 and I was inside and close, but still it was going to be a wait to get my order. I was the 16th person in line.

That person at the front of the line might have gotten there as early as 8:30

Franklin himself is a simple looking fellow. In fact if you saw him on the street and knew nothing about him, you wouldn’t guess that he ran a BBQ joint. He was wearing a vintage Big Red T-shirt, jeans and glasses. He looked more the part of a computer programmer than a BBQ master. He was also very nice and seemed genuine. Like he just wanted everyone there to have a good time. This was the vibe of the entire staff. Everyone asked how things tasted and seemed to take pride in people’s enjoyment.

Me and my buddy Lou talked to him for a bit and found out that at least four of the people working there played pick up basketball with Lou over by the Hancock Center. Everyone I had met playing over that way were super chill, so he had to be an alright dude.

The pitmaster himself, Aaron Franklin

And the food? Well….. the ribs were so tender, that the meat caved with the slightest push of a fork. The sausage was mouth watering and succulent (Pause). The brisket was delicious as well, tender and full of flavor.

Lou took a bite from one of my ribs and just shook his head “This isn’t even fair. “This was the Lebron james of Barbecue. If they were doing a Sportscenter highlight of me chowing down, they would be saying, “They can’t stop him, they can only hope to contain him.”

The dessert was on point for sure. I got a Bread pudding pie and it was delicious and moist.

Pretty much what my plate looked like, except that I got beans instead of slaw.

I wasn’t sure when I’d get a chance to camp out like that again. I wanted to do the shit right. And every bite was heaven. The food was rich and the plate I bought was so big that it ended up being 3 meals along two days. I made it last. Having enough to share with people and spread the good word.

If there is a criticsm of the food, it would be for the sauces, and only because of my preferences. I’m not a big fan of vinegar based barbecue sauces, I tend to gravitate towards the sweeter tastes to balance out the savory, smokey flavor. The potato salad was good, though I’m not crazy about the kind made with a whole lot of mustard. The beans were okay. A bit too salty. So if anything I’d probably just get meat the next time in.

I’ve been fortunate enough to eat some good barbecue in my young and beautiful life. I’ve dined at Ironworks. I’d been to Art’s Rib House when it was still open. I’d been to Hardeman’s and Sonny Bryan’s in Dallas. I’d been to Arthur Bryant’s and Gates in Kansas City. My mom use to bring home BBQ from Memphis after business trips(which at the time I thought was the best I ever had). But Franklin’s smoked all those places.

Was this the best barbecue in America? I can’t say. To answer that question without any shred of doubt would require me to visit all 50(1?) states and eat at all the best BBQ joints in those states. Not only would I be taking a vow of poverty to accomplish this feat, but I’d also undoubtedly destine myself for a massive coronary (and an equally massive case of hemorrhoids).What I can say with a 100% rate of confidence is that this was unequivocally the best barbecue I’d ever tasted and (much like a good girlfriend that won’t give it up right away) definitely worth the wait.

Geeking out on the Internet pt. 189 : Wake up Black People!!!!

12 Aug


Sometimes Black people can be so melodramatic. I personally blame Tlyer Perry movies for this. Growing up with my cousins at my aunt’s house, the scenario could’ve easily come up with anyone in the house.

One of my kids showed me this video today, which gave me a little hope. Not all kids out here on the streets have bad taste in music.

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Geeking out on the internet part 70: Swedish bopping

11 Aug

I first saw this video on Beavis and Butthead. I used to think the chick from this vid was hot. In fact, I still do, braces and all.

Aesop Rock

11 Aug

Man. I just saw this cat up in Dallas at the Grenada. Dallas fans represented like I’d never seen Dallas fans do at a concert. Usually cats are too cool for school. This shit was hype though the crowd showed a lot of love.You could tell he was digging it.

I would definitely drop in ANY time this cat comes to town. One of the best live MC’s I’ve seen in a long time. His rapping style reminds me of a trumpet player from the bebop era of jazz music–rapid fire and dense–fitting as many lyrics as possible within a bar and somehow making it work musically. He uses his baritone voice as its own instrument.

Dude was captivating and completely owned the stage.He was every bit as good as Busta Rhymes, Method Man, Black Thought, and Kool Keith. I bet tonight’s show in Austin will be just as good.

Geeking out on the internet part 30

9 Aug

I was listening to Joe Rogan reminisce with Bill Burr about witnessing something that can never be unseen on the Opie and Anthony show. After listening to the clip I had to see for myself. I must warn you, it ain’t for the faint of heart.
Hopefully this will temper any attempts of mine to make this blog thing a heady project. Just goes to show that one never knows what will pop up on this thing.

Geeking out with GeekTV

29 Jul

Great show the other night, bare bones but he was great! This is in bed with Kool keith.

Geeking out on the Internet pt. 148: Joe Rogan discusses the absurdity of our existence

28 Jul

A Beautiful Resignation

28 Jul

Slowly approaching a grasp of this uncertain reality
Tentatively found my equilibrium slightly before
entering the airport
whistling the U.S. Blues
wearing sandals,plaid shorts and a Ween T-shirt;
total slacker ware,
feeling good
in a post graduation Austin sort of way.

Encountered the sobering sight of
a pimply young boy in full Army garb

Forcing me to examine
what I had done when I was his age
as a dumb ass among dumb asses,
doing dumb ass things
like finger banging
teenage girls in
small town, Texas, U.S.A.

Raising Hell
certainly not sitting nervously in an airport
flipping my phone upside down
then right side up,
obviously deep in perturbed
and anxious thought.

Would this be one of the young men
my young brother would be in charge of stitching up
patching up?
doping down?
saving?
or putting away?

Would one of these young men
be responsible for an errant bullet
that led to my brother’s crippling demise?

And what of my brother’s final moments
before pre-boarding
setting off
to save young men like these
out in desert country?

A place of which I never wanted intimate knowledge

I wasn’t ready for him to go
didn’t want him to die
but the only way to control when one went
was to off one’s self
something I already knew I wasn’t brave enough to do.

Even if he lived through it all
he wouldn’t be the same
when he returned.
Someday he would in fact die

whether it be
in five,ten, fifteen
twenty or forty years.

Even if this young boy here
somehow rose to lieutenant
saved his whole platoon
from dying face down in the desert,
mouth full of sand,
chest full of bullets and lungs full of blood
he would eventually go too
someday,somewhere.

Even if this plane I boarded crashed,
and I miraculously survived
the laws of physics,law of averages
would get to me too.

Who knew when Armageddon would come for us all?

No need to panic
I suppose there could be worse realities eh?

I could be a blackhead on the face

of a 16 yr old virgin nerd who
jerked off with Vaseline

to naked photos of Marge Simpson.

I could be the pus on the tip of an Okie’s dick
after he caught the clap from some bar floozy
with bad tattoos and missing teeth.

I could be the boil on a plumber’s ass.

I could be a clot of blood on a stripper’s tampon.

I could be a herpes sore.

A booger in a 3rd grader’s nose
picked, smashed, and then eaten.

I could’ve been a fly chowing down
on some fresh road kill or
the toe jam in a geriatric’s foot,
the bunion on someone’s soon to be ex-wife,
scraped by a butter knife into the kitchen sink
or an in grown hair on a sweaty ball sack.

So there was no need to panic.
Change is a constant interloper
so why get attached to this human existence?

Worrying only hindered me
from enjoying the trip.
we were all going
to die,
then decompose
before becoming something else like
cosmic dust particles,
or spatial bacteria
and there was nothing I could do about it except
go out in style.

So there was no need to panic about any of it.
Worrying wasn’t going to help me one bit.

~Edward Austin Robertson~

Open Letter to Greyhound

20 Jul

Dear Greyhound staff,
I’m writing in order to obtain a refund for a purchase I made on May 29th, for a trip that was to take place on June 3rd, from Dallas to Tulsa, with a stop in Oklahoma City.

The bus leaving Dallas was supposed to leave at 6:40 pm and get me into Tulsa at 2:50 AM the next morning.

Things would change for the worst however when I arrived at the terminal to find that every bus scheduled to depart from that station was oversold, and that no back-up plan was in place to accommodate patrons who’d bought their tickets ahead of time.

There weren’t extra buses to put these people on and everyone on my bus to Tulsa was told that they’d have to wait until the next day to catch their bus.

I asked a staff member if there was anything else we could do and he suggested a late night bus out of Dallas that would take me to Amarillo for the night, and get me into Tulsa at 5:40 PM the next day.

I explained to him why this wouldn’t work for me and suggested to him that he change my ticket to the 6:35 AM bus that would take me to Tulsa via I-75. He agreed that this would be a better plan and changed my ticket.

After a mad scramble, the Dallas Greyhound management gave free food vouchers to patrons who were inconvenienced and told me that another bus was on its way to collect the remaining patrons who needed to get to Oklahoma City in less than an hour.

The supervisor told me that I could get on this bus and possibly still make my connection in Oklahoma City. I asked if I needed to change my ticket back to the original itinerary and she said it wasn’t necessary. For further clarification, I asked two more employees if I would need to have my ticket changed to correspond with the bus I was taking and they said no.

2 hours later, the bus finally arrived and I again showed my ticket to the bus driver, he said that things should be okay and that we should probably make our connection in Oklahoma City.

When we pulled into the bus station in Oklahoma City, I had found that not only had I missed my bus, but that no one from the Dallas station had called and alerted the OKC station about the bus delays.

At this point it was 1:30 AM and the next bus out of Oklahoma City wouldn’t leave until 11:00 AM. The employee at the counter asked me why I was even on this particular bus to Oklahoma City– and why I wasn’t on the bus going straight to Tulsa.

He then told me to talk to his supervisor in the morning and that his supervisor could straighten things out, since it appeared I was going to have to purchase another ticket to get me to Tulsa.

Because it was 1:30 in the morning and I had to be at work at noon, sleeping on the bus station linoleum didn’t appear to be a good idea. So I had to reach into my wallet and purchase a room for the night at the Quality Inn for $56.93.

The next morning I walked into the station and talked to the supervisor and he told me he’d do what he could, and possibly talk to the driver going to Tulsa.

At 11:00 a bus going to Tulsa arrived but because it was Jefferson Lines, I would have to pay for it myself. Otherwise I’d have to wait until 11:35 before the Greyhound bus going to Tulsa arrived (as it happened that particular bus was delayed by at least an hour). I did not want to wait another hour and a half so I reached into my wallet again and just bought the ticket.

There were many things during this experience that bothered me:

1)The fact that Greyhound can overbook buses without any sort of backup plan.
2) Not once during this day did anyone apologize for the inconveniences created.
3) No communication between the stations to inform each other that buses are running late.
4) That I had to book a hotel room as a result of worker dishonesty/incompetence. Sleeping in the lobby was not an option I was willing to explore. No one shot me straight about when my bus was arriving which would have allowed me to plan accordingly. If I’d have known I was going to miss my connecting bus I would’ve just spent the night in Dallas (FOR FREE).
5) I talked to 3 different Dallas employees about my ticket (time/location change) and they all said it wouldn’t be a problem. When I got to the OKC station, the manager looked puzzled. How is it that no one seems to be on the same page within the company?

This is not an isolated event only the latest. So with all these other options, why would I bother traveling through Greyhound ever again?

I’m a frequent traveler and I have spent 1,000’s of dollars with the company in the past 8 years. With all the options available to consumers these days what is stopping me from flying (Southwest airlines is a glowing example of professionalism and incredible customer service), renting a car, or taking the Mega bus? I’m tired of the apathy from Greyhound employees, and tired of feeling shit on as a customer.

When I purchase a ticket, I understand I am entering an agreement. I’m agreeing not to bring booze or smoke on the bus. I’m agreeing not to assault the bus driver or other passengers. I’m agreeing not to disrupt the harmony of the ride for anyone else.

When I can’t make my destination on time or even on the same day, then Greyhound isn’t keeping up their end of the bargain. This results in an uneven exchange of services for money and this is what makes me angry. No one likes to feel as if they have been swindled.

I’m paying to arrive at my destination on time or reasonably close to it. I’m not paying my hard earned cash to be inconvenienced and mistreated. If things can’t somehow be made right not only will I never ride Greyhound again, I will tell everyone I know about my negative experiences with the company.

Perhaps I will pay more to exercise these other traveling options but it will be worth it. Greyhound may be slightly less expensive to use for travel, but my time is just as valuable as my money (if not more). If I experience ridiculous delays in places like Springfield, Missouri, and Sacramento, California, there is no realistic way for me to get that time back.

I am requesting a refund for my ticket from Dallas to Tulsa that was purchased on June 3rd, 2012 (my receipt is enclosed within). I am also enclosing a copy of the receipt from that date for the hotel that I had to purchase because of these delays.

I appreciate your time and I thank you for what I expect will be a swift response.
Sincerely,
Robert McFail Jr.

Black Diamond Bay

19 Jul

I hear the early 2,000’s was a great time for music up in Montreal. Apparently everyone was in a band playing in some basement somewhere. I’d love to go to a music festival up there someday before the apocalypse.