Something to groove to while you do your spring cleaning:
Kinda wanna see these guys
3 AprHad these guys come out while I was in college this definitely would have been in my ‘Make-out rotation playlist’
Deserve has got nothing to do with it.
13 MarI must have been really down to do something like that to myself
I must have been so numb to initiate something so self destructive
like a cutter, hurting themselves to see if they were still capable of feeling.
The most sour, vindictive, superficial, petty piece of pussy
I ever put my dick into.
Her Tammy
My Chinaski.
Why the fuck would I do this to myself?
Why would I think I deserved this?
Someone who cared more for furry animals
her vinyl collection
tattoos, and fashion
than genuine communication.
She could take the dick
but not the criticism
a gal that much in denial is dangerous
how could she be honest with me
when she was constantly lying to her own self?
Walked right into a buzz saw because
I was feeling too sorry for myself
to pay attention.
Oops. My bad.
No matter.
Wont happen again.
But if it were to happen again
it will definitely
be full sass
no holding back
full tilt
all barrels locked
loaded
and firing.
And hopefully it would involve some
freshly sliced mangoes.
It would be the most indulgent thing
I ever done in my life.
~Edward Austin Robertson
Can you tell what’s on my mind?
The Lesson in Losing
13 MarI could have run,
probably should have than
engaged in a game I couldn’t win.
I knew what was on the other side of that door
waiting for me,
a match with a “win at all costs” opponent
that could result in failure, heartbreak and
take me to the edges of insanity.
But I also knew there was an opportunity for me
to learn just how well I could perform under duress,
a litmus test for mental toughness–
a measuring stick for growth.
Call it foolishness
call it hubris
you could even call it boredom.
But I can walk away
knowing that I left it all on the field
that I performed as well as I was capable of
and surpassed all my own expectations.
I fought valiantly
I fought fair
no low blows or elbows to the face.
I fought with honor for the game
and respect for my opponent.
Despite what the scoreboard reads
despite what history will say,
I still feel like a winner.
~Edward Austin Robertson
JELLYFISH
1 MarHer absence left me feeling pretty afflicted
remnants of her about my room–
the hair pins in random spots
on the carpet
behind me mattress.
I can wash my sheets a thousand times
but won’t be able to get her fragrance
out of my nostrils.
An attraction so magnetically primitive
that I became addicted to the way she felt on my skin,
left me with trembling hands like a junkie
stung by something so beautiful,
but so painful to touch,
much like that unfinished jellyfish painting,
another reminder of interrupted potential
alongside the bottle of unopened massage lotion.
Suddenly missing the days when she found me so intriguing
and I actually respected liked her as a person.
I knew she was Fool’s Gold the minute I laid eyes on her.
It seems so avoidable, but somehow
I sleepwalked into the biggest mistake of my life.
Left with possibly the most important lesson of my life
wondering if I even made a dent
somewhere in her psyche
because she certainly left a mark on mine.
~Edward Austin Robertson~
A set of jokes I was too depressed to tell at the time I wrote them
11 FebYea I’m allergic to nuts, all nuts, walnuts, pine nuts, peanuts (yea I know…a peanut isn’t a nut its a LEgume!)
But yea it sucks because I became allergic at 23. that means for 20 plus years I knew the tasty deliciousness of such a cheap protein.
Come to find out, I’m also slightly allergic to corn, soy, and wheat. Imagine how I must feel, its like God’s way of saying fuck you, you will not reproduce.
It’s a dirty trick to pull on someone, Only ten years ago, I could come home from work, get two slices of bread, a jar of peanut butter, some strawberries, and drizzle some honey and I’d be set for a yummy and inexpensive snack. I loved peanut butter, the only way it could be worse if all of a sudden I was afflicted with the urge to violently heave up my dinner every time I saw a pair of titties. Its on par with that dude from clockwork orange getting ill every time he heard classical music.
I’ve realized that I’m not meant to be happy. My last girlfriend was beautiful, pretty eyes, and so sweet and nice. I knew I was in trouble when I could not make that work. She was the perfect girlfriend. Fucked me whenever I wanted sex, made me breakfast in bed, washed my clothes, brought me a jacket to work if I forgot mine.
All that being said it took everything I had not to cheat on her–and I loved her. That’s when I realized I was not meant to be with one woman. I’m just built differently I guess. For some people, its easy to be committed, easy to be good. Not me. I have to talk myself out of being a selfish asshole.
I caught myself having these dialogues with myself. Asking questions like:
How far should I let this conversation go before I mention I have a girlfriend?
How much of a piece of shit would I have to be to sleep with someone in my girlfriend’s apartment complex?
Making out isn’t cheating right? What about handjobs? There was no genital to genital touching so nothing technically happened right?
I dunno….. being single ain’t all that great either. sometimes being single to me is like paying for car insurance. Sure its great to have in case you run into something, but more than likely you won’t run into anything for a very long time.
I don’t know how to meet women either. I’m no good at bars. More often than not I’d rather watch Sportscenter highlights than have to strike up a conversation with a woman. Any smart woman can see a line coming from a mile away. I hate small talk and don’t like coming off as a phony–trying to sell myself like a Cutco knife salesman. “I’m a great guy and these are the reasons you should fuck me…..” I wish I could be like some people who won’t quit a job unless they got another one lined up. I guess if you think about it quitting a job is kind of like breaking up with someone, except the two weeks notice is usually more subtle, in a relationship. Secretly you know when you’re done, sometimes it just takes a while to work up the nerve to go through with it. You can’t just up and say “I’m leaving you at the end of the month to start fucking someone else in D.C. (I guess you could but it’d be bad form)
The guilt is kind of the same. You wonder how the other party is going to be without you as a regular. Try to word things in a way that won’t hurt your chances of coming back in case things don’t work out in your next venture.
Unfortunately though, quitting your partner involves a lot more feelings, and ain’t nearly as neat. You can avoid your former employer by avoiding the job site. There is a chance you’ll run into your ex anywhere. I’ve never unlocked my front door, worrying that an ex-boss was sitting in my living room with a knife in their hands.
~Bobby Mickey
Why bother?
10 FebHe said,
“I’m not trying to be too invested in this. I don’t want to be hurt if this ends.”
She said,
“That’s impossible to predict, because everything ends sooner or later.”
He said,
“Well how can you be so sure this is going to work out?”
She said,
“It depends on what you define as working out.”
He said,
“Well how do we know this isn’t a mistake?”
She said,
“Maybe there are no such things a mistakes, only experiences.
Maybe the beginning and end of things aren’t necessarily as important as what happens in between.”
He nodded, then thought silently of all those (painful)lessons from all those experiences.
Then he said,
“Well how do I know I can trust this?”
She smiled. Then she said,
“Do you have a choice?”
He said.
“Okay. I think you’re right.”
~Edward Austin Robertson
Nuclear Polio Vaccination 